wanna know why i'm irritated?......too bad..i'll tell you anyways...

it sone thing wasting my time filling out the bloody form in comp...another, not being able to print it all out...its worst when u can't even print the blank form out!!!so wat?can't do it online, can't print it out...and if i do it manually,aka mail to gic to get a hardcopy, by the time it gets here, its the due date alr!!!argh!!
and the best thing is that they dint provide an email add so that i could at least send it to them as an attachment...

and those that gave an email add, haha their forms are adobe...so i can't bloody type in them!!!so i'll have to snail mail it to them and if i wanna be faster and email them, i'll have to scan and i have a feeling, no. i know!! that it will turn out a total disaster and they wont be able to read anything....wasting time wasting paper wasting ink and my effort!!

now tell me again wat was it that was irritating?

its so bloody early...my sis told me to wake up early to book a flight...assuming it'll be cheaper in the wee hours of the morning...wrong assumption...

anw, i took this What's">What's your celebrity look? and this is wat they say...
With the eyes of a Botticelli and the smile of a DaVinci, you're the latest embodiment of the Romantic Look. It's your fascinating combo of dreamy innocence and smoldering desire that always keeps 'em guessing. Your tender, inner nature comes out in the soft colors and flowing fabrics of your clothes. But just because you can pull off the pastel eye shadows, pouty glossed lips, and the wide-eyed look of a kitten, everyone knows that you're no angel. Once you slip into something sexy for the evening and dab a little fragrance behind the ear, you're capable of just about anything. Mysterious as a cat, you share the same romantic allure as Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, and Andie MacDowell. And just like them, your sincere, inner beauty always manages to shine just as brightly as your striking appearance.
laughed your head off?so did i...haha and the part abt penelope cruz...strikes a note ya?hahaoh well...only perps and licia will know wat i'm talking about...haha morning entertainment...

i had a dream...

just a testimony of those things tt i can't let go..and stuff that i didn't know i still havn't let go..suddenly feeling like i've aged for there are so many things that i'm appreciating now..which kinda drove me to start a diary...i havnt lived that much to make so many mistakes that i learn from them...surprisingly it was a mixture,a collation of everything...so ya...the power of dreams...

just for the record, OC still rocks...watching the 2nd season now...

somebody put me out of my misery...
buggerified headache...

once a week is a healthy dosage?sucks..

"sigh. decisions, decisions. what a load of lifechanging decisions to make. and i'm only bloody 18. this isn't fair." to quote,unqoute cal...

i know i know...me too...but i shall not pile any more sorrows into this blog...its burden is alr huge...oh well..iu have no idea y im doing so many things..i really cant wait to go but at the same time,im just too heavy to boost my spirit for the exp...

leave me on an island of books and i'll be happy...

i need to change my template soon...its getting on my nerves...i hate selling stuff....had a meeting with this singaporean guy on bakerzin,..wanted to do tea for fundraising...sucked to the max..so bloody unprepared...but i did enjoy the march into the facilities in my heels and towering over him...yup...passed my driving test...can legally drive by next week...although the test also sucked...saw sin yi there though...shes one of my juniors who got jpa...but i found out she actually older than me cuz she jan baby...so with all the suckiness in my life...its definitely hard to move on though i did find the moments tt nobody nagged at me tt i can throw myself into my book(fantasy one i borrowed from a friend) a very pleasant getaway....the book reminded me of my sec sch days...where i was a voracious reader with a frightening appetite for books...my nose constantly buried in them...it also brought down on me the wrath of my sch teachers and the staff at RIB(heard from chel that mdm cheah had eye surgery and is now old alr...considering she was "senile" when we were there...)esp when i promptly fell asleep at 930..haha just 15 mintues before prep tie ended...even chieh suang couldn't find a way with me...
wait,back to the book...its by anne mccaffrey...about crystal singers....i rem gleaning the library of all the fantasy books like mercedes lackey, david eddings, raymond e. feist and of course, anne mccafrey...i love her dragon series...the flying and time travelling and weyrs...you guys should give it a try...i have found back a part of me tt i lost through the years and days tt i toiled during the os and as...i had to give up reading...i know i bordered on the obsessive...amazingly,none of my siblings seem to be similarly afflicted...my love for books will never die...for in it i found a part of myself whose flames of hope will never die...for it is where no wisp of wind will ever touch..

still sore...dun ask....
should i be nonchalant?
why does my coping mechanism only sees amnesia as the only way?but then again,its just like Fiona in The Thorn Birds.i feel like a vesssel drained of all emotions..how do u subdue such fierce and strong emotions?i'm tired..truly i am...i hope i can find the respite tt i've been unconciously searching for when i go...

but then again,evasion is not the answer.

life is like a vacuum cleaner - it sucks.

I ought to slap myself....*smack!!* there....

my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother..."BONG!" *smashes him over the head* Blood splashes everywhere, and his head rolls on the floor.."Hooray!", cheers the crowd. But the headless him stood up...walking towards me....Wait a minute!!! It only happened in my imagination!! wat the @#$%^!!!

sick and tired.tt's wat i am...wat's up with nus and ntu following the footsteps of their US counterparts?huh?why cant they just stick to being easy and simple...instead of requiring all sort of essays and stuff...oh well...and my bro managed to make me wanna pull his hair out!!!!!

it's juz tt seriously.. u nv seem down to me. u always seem sure despite being sleepy and all. n u always seem so happy to me..

i have no idea y i'm crying...every single thing just seems to trigger those tear ducts...i hate being this way...even when i had to let something go i wasn't like this...i have never cried so badly in my whole life...even when i had to silently suffer those yrs tt were to carve my being...me, a person who can so proudly say tt for the last 6 yrs, she has cried less than the number of fingers on her hands...and it just makes me laugh tt i'm e one crying but at the same time comforting her..tg nobody's home...i dint even cry when my grandad passed away...i have to face up to it man...but it hurts..it really really hurts...rips up my heart...i've always known tt if i ask,there'll be somebody out there to hold me...but i'vce always been unwilling to give my self up...

thanks perps...and cal...for your trust and faith in me....thanks for the support...just for somebody to talk to...and ears too...hah...
btw,part of why i'm weeping my soul out are joys of tears for having such wonderful friends and am just touched....

love you guys...take care and all the best!!!! *showers of kisses and a huge bear hug*

yar she says i'll regret blah blah they're usin emotional blackmail.. tellin me theyll buy me a fuckin bmw.. i mean, they only drive a nissan. they think im too young to decide... really really really long story. i wish i died during the wkend
seriously.......... one whole lot of domestic probs... sometimes i wish i nv did well.... all the emotional blackmail.. n otha stuff.. hard to explain bt i feel fucked up to the max

with this kinda things happening, how am i to help and calm?i myself am bloody floundering..and tell you wat...i am drowning...i just cant stop crying...i tot it'll be over after sun...but no...those shadows have to keep jumping at me where i least expect it...i am definitely not up to being there for you....although i really wish to....but not now....unless u wanna jump into this storm with me?hah i dun think so...

there's been time when i just wished....i know i have nobody to blame but myself...but at the same time,how i wish tt there's somebody...i brought it upon myself cuz i let it go...te opporunities just slipped through my limp fingers cuz i was too scared to grab it..but actually its damn hard to let go...oh well...wtf

i was wrong..rem i said i'll cry no matter the results?i just realise tt i cldn't cry...not in front of mrs goh(who said something nasty).wats up w me and my form teachers?hmmm jaq yip the b***h said i dun deserve my good results in sec4 and now this?although in a way i dislike mrs goh more now cuz she is evil...i mean who goes ard,i told you so....at least jaq yip gave me something to hate easily...
anw,so this is it...rem our philo of if it doesn't hit you by next year it'll never hit?well,i've been hit..a lot of times...and now i'm down as a bloodied casualty...nothing can really save me and tt's really depressing...
so i figured its really not tt hard to keep up pretenses...although like now,i'll constantly feel tt lump in my throat and not say much for fear my eyes will spill and destroy my veil of happiness...before this,the sky has been the limit...fallen grace...
and i went back to sch feeling really weird tt day...we were sitting beside each other but couldn't talk...its sad cuz we were quite close before this and not we can barely talk to each other...but then again,it's been more than 3 mths...mb wat its wat happened at the end?haha i dunno...either way..there's only 2 possibility.either he's fallen or he's bolted..but then again,not everybody cld stomach my advice..haha
then there's chan and perps who i'm very happy for...they did so well...ok tt kinda applies to perps...but i'm also soooo happy i got to meet them...haha dint realise how much i missed them until i saw them again...haha perps is turning more and more matured by the moment i'm starting to feel like a kid beside her...only my height is my saving grace..and chan..haha happily ever after...when she and him not playing break up tt is...haha i hope u read this...anw,its been a wonderful weekend all in all cuz it definitely strengthened our friendship and i'm very happy abt tt...anw,i have a story to tell....

Rain and Caramel are very good friends.they were in the same class and they got really close during the last yr of sch. caramel is not local...and rain has had a depressing childhood.so even though their friendship started to grow and grow into something beyond friendship,both of them were unwilling to acknowledge it.caramel scared it'll never get them anywhere cuz she may be leaving forever and rain feared tt his past has scarred him for life and thus render him unable to love caramel the way she deserves it...so fear gripped them and they passed the ast yr together with the excuse "we know too much shit abt each other to get attached"...but rain's desire of wanting caramel to continue being part of his life is so strong tt he finally asked her...and caramel agreed...not to the surprise of those who knew...in denial as usual...haha
so they lived happily for weeks...going out,doing things tt make them a couple..(this story is starting to become crappy..shall not let my imagination run too much...hahah)but because of rain's past..he is very insecure...he fears tt one day caramel will leave him either to go else where to continue her studies or just tt she raelise she doesn't really love him tt much anw...and caramel...has not much fears cuz she knows how much he loves her and she has always been the strong headed one...but rain being as he is,was unconvinced tt caramel loves him as much as he does her..and tt increased his fears...(ok i think i'm starting to repat myself)..so he decided to cut it first..to keep his heart safe and not laid as barely as it had been...he doesn't really trust tt caramel will keep it safe...caramel on the other hand,has feared tt rain will see things in his skewed perpective and break it with her...so caramel decided to break it first...but they just did things in their little world...they did not step into the oter's shoes to see how the other felt...they were convinced tt they were doing the right things...but they dint realise how their one-sided decision hurt the other...but there is no blaming one another for there are just too many factor at work here and one thing led to another...and after they finally talked it out(cuz they still love each other very much and cldn't bare to leave each other.), they realise tt actually it is alright....and now they are happily ever after....
this story is purely a fiction of my imagination....but there's a lesson to be learnt here...do not be so narraw minded..u'll most proib end up hurting more than u wanted to save...and i hate those p[pl who does things in their own perpective and think they are so bloody noble..haha okla...enough abt this...this is getting boring....so has today's entry compensated foir the lack of news for these days?hehe

i lied...there's no running away from it...u try ur best to deny it..but it just comes back to haunt u...me, i mean...so ya...tt's wats finding me looking ard, in the net for consolation...there is no solace to be found anywhere...how can i describe the ominous feeling of tt ever widening pit tt's opening beneath my feet...it'll be a long fall...and the bottom will be dark and dank...it absolutely terrifies me...so accute is it that i was momentarily frozen in its magnamity..this definitely spells my impending doom.... so this is how Keanu Reeves' Constantine felt in his desperate attempt to redeem himself...i should start to do that too...but too bad for me...i'll be alone with the mice at the bottom of tt pit in about 14 hours time...pray for my soul...please...may i see the light again...