i love this song..dance with my father by luther vandross


Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

ughz...feels bad no matter how u try to convince yourself...damn it damn it damn it...how do they survive this kinda things?ugh....i shd go to sleep btw..

whee!!! Pek here in NUs (the other place you can further your studies other than the ulu-fied NTu...muuuaaahhahahaha *grins evilly*) writing what I call 'senseless' stuff in 'senseless' blog. hahahha. I mean, seriously, blogs are just another medium to spread gossip around, spite people and crap (Shing says this is important...hmmm...quite true la in her case since everything that comes out IS crap!!! hahaha) Well, where was I? Oh ya, the 'senseless-ness' of blogs. *ahem* I quite enjoy reading SOME blogs though. Unfortunately, they only consist of the blogs of people I know and the blogs that mention, moi. hehe. Perasan rite? (bleah to all the singaporeans, chinese i mean, who don't understand what perasan means...) i am sooooo evil. I shall start to sound like one of those 'lousy' bloggers. "Today, I went to blah blah blah and did blah blah blah and bought blah blah blah. On the way there I saw blah blah blah and we talked about blah blah blah. Right now, I'm not back in my room studying which I should be doing. Aiyo, I should be studying!!!! Prelims are nearing!!! I feel sooooo stressed (yeah right!) Plus, my room mate doesn't seem to be in a very good mood when I told her that I'm not coming back and staying over at NTu -ulu-fied place. " Wahhhh....that was soooo typical blogger man!!! Ahhhhhh!!!! cannot tahan. Come to think about it, I am expressing my "senseless blogs" opinions on a Blog!!!! ahhhhh!!!! *runs around screaming and pulling my hair off* wait, *puts back hair in place so civics tutor won't nag on monday* hehe. I am so contradictory. sigh. its the influence of blogs i tell you. be warned!

i wanted to make pek's post as my last entry..but havnt decided whether to use both simultaneously ..so basically only the blur ppl who hasn't relinked to my msn spaces will read this..

i'm damn shagged..i shd've paced myself..but then again, i was n't like last time when i wanna sleeep..its more like i can stay up if i have to or if i wanna..but i know its starting to take up my energy a lot and affecting my condition..so now i'l have to regulate..thank god tmr i only have lecture..so when i get my hair dry and i finish this post, i'll be hitting the sack..and i'm NOT going for badminton tmr..and i'm not going to do any weird weird thing..and i'm gonna be recluse for the rest of the week and get my self and my things in rder before i go home..

home...my wisdom tooth is causing me a lot of pain here..i feel a sudden urge to just go ohome NOW!!!!

i'm those type of ppl who turns off when ppl are active towards me...i'll only feel when its me who likes first..and the only way tt happens is when i get to know u well and long and we are good friends..i dun understd hw ppl can get attached if they dun lilke the person..just dun get it..and so, after the basis of friendship is thr, then only is thr a chance at all..and i take a really long time..lolz..but patience is a virtue..i hope we can continue to be friends..so just chiil ok...trust me, it's just me..give it time..

another post today??!!!!

was just reading some blogs..and everytime i read abt ppl going thru a rough patch or how hard life is for them, and i just cant help but feel an urge to give each and every one of them a hug..although they learn things thru their hardships, just like how i have, but does it have to be in such a manner?why can we just know it?y does life have to be so hard??or mb its just the maternal instincts in me acting(protecting ppl from harm and blablabla...)but i feel for them as if i went thru the same thing..(mb just my empathising and sympathysizing abilities too zai alr..)
but i hope they dun give up and continue to look on the bright side of life and nourish that shining hope in them..and be assured that no matter where u are and how u've turn out, there'll always be somebody thinking of u..
u're not alone..

i am a hopeless computer idiot..ugh tried changing to another blog server but i dunno how to work it!!this tells something does it not?i shd just stick to idiot proof blog hosts like blogger to ensure my continued survival..oh darn..
i need sleep...badly...i shdn't be burning myself out so fast..first lesson: pace yourself..blehh..but this month is so busy...is taking qp and climbing team and jcrc too hectic?will i face tapao?blehh i hope not..my goal is to get first class honours and short term al is to get all my things in order..but it seems like before i am able to do that, i will have to be well rested first..lol..and tt is hard to come by..its like the hermeneutic circle(something new i learnt..)
which brings me to my sociology class..sadly i dint bother to check it out earlier..i think its damn cool..and the way my tutor thinks is similar to my way of thinking and oh well, u know how philosophical i can get sometimes.and i think that this is definitely for me!!i'm so glad to have registered it in the last minute..though i was afraid i cant catch up..i still am afraid..but it seems like it doesn't make much diff..but there are quitea few things tt lke have to memorise..
and i met this yr2 girl called Li Ann..dunno oif i spelled correctly..it was quite an amusing class.. i finally feel like i'm going to school and learning again!!before thi lectures and tutorials were just obligations to me..i am so not regretting signing up although i'll be busier than others but it will give me something to look forward to and feel happy and enthusiastic abt..

the crazy dong dong speaks...

struck by sudden wave of homesickness

i miss home..mb cuz i havnt been home for such a long time and then i was home for 6 mths..and now im back here on my own again and its just making wish i could go back to the previous life style...she misses me too..when i was home i just sat ard..when she needed to go some places i just followed her..basically i was my mum's companion..she regretted letting me leave home so early and cuz those years were my growing years and they shaped and moulded me into who and wat i am now.. i am proud to say tt even without my mum's expert hands, i turned out alrite withuot much flaw..i just want her to feel that she hasnt wasted her time with me all these years and that her fears that i'll be not close to home and everything are unfounded..though i do give her enough heartaches and headaches to last two lifetimes..this is just my way of giving part of my life that she had missed out..to reassure her that she still has a place in my heart..action speaks louder than words..just my way of telling her "i love you"..
another always rarely mentioned, very important person in my life is my sister..she was my mum when mum wasn't here.. and we had to live alone..she looked after me though i was rebelling..(cant blame me, blame the hormones..lolz)..she picked up after me..at the same time, she struggled to keep her own things in order..and i couldnt help her..when she was troubled i could only watch her cry..but when i was crying she cried with me..when i was down she pulled me up..there are no words to describe wat had went on..not enough words to tell her how thankful i am for her, not enough thank yous to show my gratitude..(starting to get poetic..)all i can say is, god bless you, and me too cuz i have u..with strength, u'll overcome this and we're all by your side..

oh how i miss home...

hmmm i shdn't be doing this now but blehh, this site is an oil spill of my tots anyway...and if u read something and feel as intrigued by it as i am, feel free to leave comments..haha
anw, i was just thinking abt singapore today..its national day for singapore again..and after so many years here, i have developed mixed feelings for.. it feels like im betraying my own country by celebrating another country's national day.. is it the patriotism in us going haywire?or just our own conscience?it is quite amusing when u see ppl who like to sing the ndp songs and yet are embarassed by it..i'm not afraid to admit tt i am one of them..but the songs are still nice..and it is like so political, brain washing, trying to indoctrinate a certain mindset into us.. i read my new elective's forum abt "we are wat we celebrate" and it is like by getting ppl to celebrate together, they bond ppl and instil a sense of pride into the ppl who are celebrating it togeter. and by encouraging more foreigners to join in their celebrations, they , in a way, bind us psychologically to this country. cuz patriotism is a feeling. it is not specific to a country. u can be patriotic to any couontry in the world.. and ...blehh...lost for words..tt's all chii's fault..she's playing "lau shu ai da mi"...sigh sigh sigh...interupted my train of tots though i was trying to resist for half the song...but i failed!!!sobs...

anw, let's just talk abt stuff tt doesn't need so much of my concentration..hmmm wat have i been doing recently?
i went for joon and jing's bbq for their b'dae..then they drank..shaun got drunk..chii was high so we went to jog and ravern and james came along as well..chit eng jerry, aimei, hock chuan, was there..mostly 3rd yrs onlyme and chii freshies..funny funny..haha but it was still kinda fun although i mia-ed for awhile cuz chan called abt rayner..he also mia-ed..haha but he's is a momre serious case..i'll pray for his safety man..lolz
then before tt we had lotsa talk cock sessions, and then there were scoutings and then lotsa talk talk here, talk talk there..then on fri i went out with elayne and shaun..hen i finally bulk bought my hairbands..and lots of earrings!!!!!!!!!!!haha so happy..then got discount somemore..then there was also the chocolate heaven..lolz...then i got more involved in my og and also hall..got to know vincent, weiting , micheal, nick as well though he's not from ophiel..but it was fun the times we had..then played drinking games..drink barley!!!then got to know the second floor peeps better..james, ravern, jeffrey and daniel from 4 floor.. its been fun fun fun!! so far..lolz..then we had heart attack in shu xin's room..shopping sprees online with dearie layne..and ikea ikea ikea!!i changed my room's layout again!!
will get a cam and post it online soon..lol
so my sleeping routine has been like this since nite cycling..never sleeping before 3 am..so i made an effort last nite and manged to sleep at 3 on the dot!!haha cuz i thkn i really cannot take it alr..dun think i shd burn myself out..lol

loving elayne!!

it the time of th year again..for many people, they find it creepy. but it is this time of the year that i feel closer to some people tt i've crossed path with in my short life so far.and it is during this time when i remember them and hold them close to heart.

everybody lives a flitting existence..u never know when u're gonna die..never know when u might stop(as in never see them..)seeing some ppl ever again..it is a shock when u find out somebody has passed away..there is no way anybody can comfort u cuz they cant say: somebody else will come along(not respectful of the dead *shakes head*).they can't say: they can't say: u can just be friends cuz they'll never be there anymore. that part of ur life which they've occupied, no matter how small, will never be filled again..and i believe tt's wat grieving is all about, accepting that it'll always be there and to remember those tt have filled those places once..

to remember...this is gah fah's story..she was new to the hostel..and i was her "senior"..seniority based on which yeaar she came. i was sec 2 she sec3. and we were roommates. i cant say we had instant connection. but she wore a ring. and me, the forever kaypoh one, will always sit close to her(she sleeps beside me..) and listen to her stories abt her bf, her family..she seemed blissfully happy,she told me how far she has come with her bf, wat they have gone thru(he studied med in malacca, if my memory serves me rite..) and they even gone thru the lengths of nearly getting disowned by the family..he was her mum's cousin..for me, i washaving fun with this new roomie of mine..we talked abt our passions, she will print lyrics of songs and will teach them to me(i dun listen to chinese songs mah..)and also abt her hair(its natural copper..) i mean the stories abt DMs asking her to dye it black..and death as well.(my grandfather passed away not long before that..)then the hols came..we all left for home..i went to my aunt's house to stay for a week b4 i go home and she went to malacca to meet her bf..b4 she left, she left me a note saying: i've borrowed your new bag.. little did i know i was never to see her again..i found out only when i reached home..to me, it was like watching a show on tv..its real, but its never quite real.. till today, its like she is just a roommate who've moved out after a sem or a roommate i've lost contact with.. but she is remembered..thru small ways like "i used to have a very pretty roommate." or "that was the ending to the story of my fav bag bought from hongkong" a part of me will always be with her..

and hence, i've learnt..to live life like everyday counts..to appreciate things u see and hold now..to take joy from the simple pleasures in life..to seize the day..to feel important..to be remembered...

tt's the only way to immortality..tt's the only way to know we've LIVED...

i dunno wat to say...
i wanted to say something but now it's gone...
i'm still confused and still harbouring douobts and hopes and basically depressing myself into a rut..
sooo....blehh
i idunno i dunno i dunno!!!