Be Happy...Somehow

2006-04-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

hmm time to do a little to-do list so that i can keep track of how i spent my hols.

1 find a job(perm part-time)
2 work.haha with my mummy and get paid!
3 buy new clothes
4 buy contact lens
5 play tennis again.ager miss me?
6 mb go diving with sis. redang?
7 watch movies!!
8 think abt wat i wanna do abt my life and if possible, come up with some plan
sorta
thing.
9 revamp my image
10 do a little research on eye creams then go buy!!

things i wanna do..in no particular order..im just spouting thoughts..haha
over the top of my head.
1 travel!!
2 revamp my image
3 club
4 pub
5 k
6 own more shoes,bags,clothes:P
7 learn a foreign language..french or spanish?
8 go do something cool like whitewater rafting or go climb another mountain or go
street cycling
9 learn ballroom dancing
10 pick up yoga
11 dance again!!
12 want nice complexion
13 buy makeup?
14 I WANT A CAMERA!!srylah im a camera-whore.if i have a camera that is..
15 i wanted an iPod.
16 i want my life to be perfect.
17 i want a life that is not mine.
18 i want to have goals in life.
19 i want to get out of singapore!!

:P a day for lists..hehe just bored and suddenly thought of it.
wat i want. in a bf..just wants that are not practical.
1 lets me have my way.
2 but at the same time, argues with me..
3 has his own stand.
4 can control me(at appropriate times of course)
5 knows wat i am thinking and wat i want.
6 understands wat i am thinking or wat i want.
7 wants me more than i want him.
8 decides, at least i can pick a fight..hehe fun!
9 knows how to dress up for the occasion.
10 enough confidence that i dun feel superior to him.
11 tall enough not to feel inferior when i wear heels.
12 has a nice chest to sleep on.
13 enough meat to squeeze.
14 lets me knows his thoughts, trivial matters or his deepest darkest secrets.
15 loves me more than i do him!

2006-03-28T12:19:00.000+08:00

The Earth, The Sun, The Rain Lyrics

When I was lost, I could not see
All the beauty and wonder, wrapping around me.
I was alone, dreaming of you
Oh I could not imagine this dream coming true.
So much joy now, in all that I touch
You make me feel everything so much.

Chorus

I will love you for the earth at my feet.
I will love you for the sun in the sky.
I will love you for the falling rain, oh oh oh oh
I will love you for the heart that could break.
I will love you for the dreams that we share.
I will love you for the falling rain, oh oh oh oh

Face in the wind, tears from my eyes
Baby, where have you been?
But I was, always, waiting for you. (oh baby)
To pull back the door.
To take me by the hand and lead me through.
This whole world was a stranger to me. (stranger to me)
Now you have opened my heart to everything.

(Repeat Chorus)

Spoken
Like a whisper in a dream,
you walk softly into my life
with love and sweet emotion
and as I gaze into your eyes
I see the beauty that God has created.
And I love you girl,
Now and Forever...

2006-03-13T02:45:00.000+08:00

maybe maybe maybe..
maybe someday something good will come out of this..it's a blessing in disguise?
maybe losing something is the only way u can learn its true value..
maybe someday, fairytales will come true..
maybe i just love myself too much..
maybe i wont publish this post..
all the maybes in the world couldnt have hurt more..
maybe maybe maybe..

why here again u ask?
maybe cuz i wanna tell him this and yet i dun have the guts to post it there..
maybe by taking this away and putting it behind we can move on..it
may end up happy or apart..i dunno..
only those who still visits this page and bother to read will see this..
maybe they only use the link..but not read anymore..
maybe one day i'll learn to love again.
i dunno wat to say anymore..
maybe maybe maybe..

2005-11-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

haiz..im a self confessed workaholic...ok fine..im not exactly a workaholic..but wat else explains this sudden panic attack when im not close to my work?i must be going crazy then..the only valid explanation there is for this..

hahh..not the first or only time...oh well.. i just gotta learn to trust...to trust that other's can do as good a job or even better than myself...
because i found out that my panic was totally uncalled for...im alrite now.. i can sleep in peace..

i trust u, babes:))))))))))))))

2005-11-07T11:43:00.000+08:00

oh my its been such a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggg time!!hee hee and i love this blog..i miss this blog man..haha back to my obsession with purple again..Haha and the small fonts..i think i a bit siao alr..for those who still havnt found out tt i actually moved blog, haha.. i did oh well and i suddenly feel like some anonimity...haiz.i love my privacy..but sometimes i feel like i wanna shout sometihings out to the world..but i never do it of course..
i guess u can say im introverted or shy or wateva..but there are somethings that i just cant say even if i have the mind to.. u'll jjust see me there gaping my mouth..haha like a fish..lolz.

anw, i miss nadia..funnily..haha cuz we've never been close..maybe im just enviuos..haha of her life now..shittified..im stuck here in singapore..rachel, come give me a hug and cry rivers together!!!hahah

laa di da di daaa...
muacks muackc muacks..
i think im just plain stressed..hahahhehehehhohohoh hahahaha..
stressed stressed stressed...
ooh desserts!!!
haha i want muddy mud pie and strawberry limeade!!!
since u're there, call up a green tea creme brulee, and a banana butterscotch cheese cake as well...hmmm teh triple a la mode sounds good too...
meanwhile, serve up a tiramisu latte...hmmm poacched peaches are a plus...
and ice cream as well..
let's go over to swenson's now!!!
get towering temptations!!!muahahahhahahahhahahah
i'm siao and crazy and outta my mind!!!
and i want my prince charming...

*hugs*
*blows a kiss*

2005-08-23T12:41:00.000+08:00

i love this song..dance with my father by luther vandross

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

2005-08-21T02:51:00.000+08:00

ughz...feels bad no matter how u try to convince yourself...damn it damn it damn it...how do they survive this kinda things?ugh....i shd go to sleep btw..

2005-08-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

whee!!! Pek here in NUs (the other place you can further your studies other than the ulu-fied NTu...muuuaaahhahahaha *grins evilly*) writing what I call 'senseless' stuff in 'senseless' blog. hahahha. I mean, seriously, blogs are just another medium to spread gossip around, spite people and crap (Shing says this is important...hmmm...quite true la in her case since everything that comes out IS crap!!! hahaha) Well, where was I? Oh ya, the 'senseless-ness' of blogs. *ahem* I quite enjoy reading SOME blogs though. Unfortunately, they only consist of the blogs of people I know and the blogs that mention, moi. hehe. Perasan rite? (bleah to all the singaporeans, chinese i mean, who don't understand what perasan means...) i am sooooo evil. I shall start to sound like one of those 'lousy' bloggers. "Today, I went to blah blah blah and did blah blah blah and bought blah blah blah. On the way there I saw blah blah blah and we talked about blah blah blah. Right now, I'm not back in my room studying which I should be doing. Aiyo, I should be studying!!!! Prelims are nearing!!! I feel sooooo stressed (yeah right!) Plus, my room mate doesn't seem to be in a very good mood when I told her that I'm not coming back and staying over at NTu -ulu-fied place. " Wahhhh....that was soooo typical blogger man!!! Ahhhhhh!!!! cannot tahan. Come to think about it, I am expressing my "senseless blogs" opinions on a Blog!!!! ahhhhh!!!! *runs around screaming and pulling my hair off* wait, *puts back hair in place so civics tutor won't nag on monday* hehe. I am so contradictory. sigh. its the influence of blogs i tell you. be warned!

2005-08-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

i wanted to make pek's post as my last entry..but havnt decided whether to use both simultaneously ..so basically only the blur ppl who hasn't relinked to my msn spaces will read this..

i'm damn shagged..i shd've paced myself..but then again, i was n't like last time when i wanna sleeep..its more like i can stay up if i have to or if i wanna..but i know its starting to take up my energy a lot and affecting my condition..so now i'l have to regulate..thank god tmr i only have lecture..so when i get my hair dry and i finish this post, i'll be hitting the sack..and i'm NOT going for badminton tmr..and i'm not going to do any weird weird thing..and i'm gonna be recluse for the rest of the week and get my self and my things in rder before i go home..

home...my wisdom tooth is causing me a lot of pain here..i feel a sudden urge to just go ohome NOW!!!!

i'm those type of ppl who turns off when ppl are active towards me...i'll only feel when its me who likes first..and the only way tt happens is when i get to know u well and long and we are good friends..i dun understd hw ppl can get attached if they dun lilke the person..just dun get it..and so, after the basis of friendship is thr, then only is thr a chance at all..and i take a really long time..lolz..but patience is a virtue..i hope we can continue to be friends..so just chiil ok...trust me, it's just me..give it time..

2005-08-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

another post today??!!!!

was just reading some blogs..and everytime i read abt ppl going thru a rough patch or how hard life is for them, and i just cant help but feel an urge to give each and every one of them a hug..although they learn things thru their hardships, just like how i have, but does it have to be in such a manner?why can we just know it?y does life have to be so hard??or mb its just the maternal instincts in me acting(protecting ppl from harm and blablabla...)but i feel for them as if i went thru the same thing..(mb just my empathising and sympathysizing abilities too zai alr..)
but i hope they dun give up and continue to look on the bright side of life and nourish that shining hope in them..and be assured that no matter where u are and how u've turn out, there'll always be somebody thinking of u..
u're not alone..

2005-08-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

i am a hopeless computer idiot..ugh tried changing to another blog server but i dunno how to work it!!this tells something does it not?i shd just stick to idiot proof blog hosts like blogger to ensure my continued survival..oh darn..
i need sleep...badly...i shdn't be burning myself out so fast..first lesson: pace yourself..blehh..but this month is so busy...is taking qp and climbing team and jcrc too hectic?will i face tapao?blehh i hope not..my goal is to get first class honours and short term al is to get all my things in order..but it seems like before i am able to do that, i will have to be well rested first..lol..and tt is hard to come by..its like the hermeneutic circle(something new i learnt..)
which brings me to my sociology class..sadly i dint bother to check it out earlier..i think its damn cool..and the way my tutor thinks is similar to my way of thinking and oh well, u know how philosophical i can get sometimes.and i think that this is definitely for me!!i'm so glad to have registered it in the last minute..though i was afraid i cant catch up..i still am afraid..but it seems like it doesn't make much diff..but there are quitea few things tt lke have to memorise..
and i met this yr2 girl called Li Ann..dunno oif i spelled correctly..it was quite an amusing class.. i finally feel like i'm going to school and learning again!!before thi lectures and tutorials were just obligations to me..i am so not regretting signing up although i'll be busier than others but it will give me something to look forward to and feel happy and enthusiastic abt..

the crazy dong dong speaks...

struck by sudden wave of homesickness

2005-08-12T02:23:00.000+08:00

i miss home..mb cuz i havnt been home for such a long time and then i was home for 6 mths..and now im back here on my own again and its just making wish i could go back to the previous life style...she misses me too..when i was home i just sat ard..when she needed to go some places i just followed her..basically i was my mum's companion..she regretted letting me leave home so early and cuz those years were my growing years and they shaped and moulded me into who and wat i am now.. i am proud to say tt even without my mum's expert hands, i turned out alrite withuot much flaw..i just want her to feel that she hasnt wasted her time with me all these years and that her fears that i'll be not close to home and everything are unfounded..though i do give her enough heartaches and headaches to last two lifetimes..this is just my way of giving part of my life that she had missed out..to reassure her that she still has a place in my heart..action speaks louder than words..just my way of telling her "i love you"..
another always rarely mentioned, very important person in my life is my sister..she was my mum when mum wasn't here.. and we had to live alone..she looked after me though i was rebelling..(cant blame me, blame the hormones..lolz)..she picked up after me..at the same time, she struggled to keep her own things in order..and i couldnt help her..when she was troubled i could only watch her cry..but when i was crying she cried with me..when i was down she pulled me up..there are no words to describe wat had went on..not enough words to tell her how thankful i am for her, not enough thank yous to show my gratitude..(starting to get poetic..)all i can say is, god bless you, and me too cuz i have u..with strength, u'll overcome this and we're all by your side..

oh how i miss home...

2005-08-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

hmmm i shdn't be doing this now but blehh, this site is an oil spill of my tots anyway...and if u read something and feel as intrigued by it as i am, feel free to leave comments..haha
anw, i was just thinking abt singapore today..its national day for singapore again..and after so many years here, i have developed mixed feelings for.. it feels like im betraying my own country by celebrating another country's national day.. is it the patriotism in us going haywire?or just our own conscience?it is quite amusing when u see ppl who like to sing the ndp songs and yet are embarassed by it..i'm not afraid to admit tt i am one of them..but the songs are still nice..and it is like so political, brain washing, trying to indoctrinate a certain mindset into us.. i read my new elective's forum abt "we are wat we celebrate" and it is like by getting ppl to celebrate together, they bond ppl and instil a sense of pride into the ppl who are celebrating it togeter. and by encouraging more foreigners to join in their celebrations, they , in a way, bind us psychologically to this country. cuz patriotism is a feeling. it is not specific to a country. u can be patriotic to any couontry in the world.. and ...blehh...lost for words..tt's all chii's fault..she's playing "lau shu ai da mi"...sigh sigh sigh...interupted my train of tots though i was trying to resist for half the song...but i failed!!!sobs...

anw, let's just talk abt stuff tt doesn't need so much of my concentration..hmmm wat have i been doing recently?
i went for joon and jing's bbq for their b'dae..then they drank..shaun got drunk..chii was high so we went to jog and ravern and james came along as well..chit eng jerry, aimei, hock chuan, was there..mostly 3rd yrs onlyme and chii freshies..funny funny..haha but it was still kinda fun although i mia-ed for awhile cuz chan called abt rayner..he also mia-ed..haha but he's is a momre serious case..i'll pray for his safety man..lolz
then before tt we had lotsa talk cock sessions, and then there were scoutings and then lotsa talk talk here, talk talk there..then on fri i went out with elayne and shaun..hen i finally bulk bought my hairbands..and lots of earrings!!!!!!!!!!!haha so happy..then got discount somemore..then there was also the chocolate heaven..lolz...then i got more involved in my og and also hall..got to know vincent, weiting , micheal, nick as well though he's not from ophiel..but it was fun the times we had..then played drinking games..drink barley!!!then got to know the second floor peeps better..james, ravern, jeffrey and daniel from 4 floor.. its been fun fun fun!! so far..lolz..then we had heart attack in shu xin's room..shopping sprees online with dearie layne..and ikea ikea ikea!!i changed my room's layout again!!
will get a cam and post it online soon..lol
so my sleeping routine has been like this since nite cycling..never sleeping before 3 am..so i made an effort last nite and manged to sleep at 3 on the dot!!haha cuz i thkn i really cannot take it alr..dun think i shd burn myself out..lol

loving elayne!!

2005-08-08T08:43:00.000+08:00

it the time of th year again..for many people, they find it creepy. but it is this time of the year that i feel closer to some people tt i've crossed path with in my short life so far.and it is during this time when i remember them and hold them close to heart.

everybody lives a flitting existence..u never know when u're gonna die..never know when u might stop(as in never see them..)seeing some ppl ever again..it is a shock when u find out somebody has passed away..there is no way anybody can comfort u cuz they cant say: somebody else will come along(not respectful of the dead *shakes head*).they can't say: they can't say: u can just be friends cuz they'll never be there anymore. that part of ur life which they've occupied, no matter how small, will never be filled again..and i believe tt's wat grieving is all about, accepting that it'll always be there and to remember those tt have filled those places once..

to remember...this is gah fah's story..she was new to the hostel..and i was her "senior"..seniority based on which yeaar she came. i was sec 2 she sec3. and we were roommates. i cant say we had instant connection. but she wore a ring. and me, the forever kaypoh one, will always sit close to her(she sleeps beside me..) and listen to her stories abt her bf, her family..she seemed blissfully happy,she told me how far she has come with her bf, wat they have gone thru(he studied med in malacca, if my memory serves me rite..) and they even gone thru the lengths of nearly getting disowned by the family..he was her mum's cousin..for me, i washaving fun with this new roomie of mine..we talked abt our passions, she will print lyrics of songs and will teach them to me(i dun listen to chinese songs mah..)and also abt her hair(its natural copper..) i mean the stories abt DMs asking her to dye it black..and death as well.(my grandfather passed away not long before that..)then the hols came..we all left for home..i went to my aunt's house to stay for a week b4 i go home and she went to malacca to meet her bf..b4 she left, she left me a note saying: i've borrowed your new bag.. little did i know i was never to see her again..i found out only when i reached home..to me, it was like watching a show on tv..its real, but its never quite real.. till today, its like she is just a roommate who've moved out after a sem or a roommate i've lost contact with.. but she is remembered..thru small ways like "i used to have a very pretty roommate." or "that was the ending to the story of my fav bag bought from hongkong" a part of me will always be with her..

and hence, i've learnt..to live life like everyday counts..to appreciate things u see and hold now..to take joy from the simple pleasures in life..to seize the day..to feel important..to be remembered...

tt's the only way to immortality..tt's the only way to know we've LIVED...

2005-08-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to say...
i wanted to say something but now it's gone...
i'm still confused and still harbouring douobts and hopes and basically depressing myself into a rut..
sooo....blehh
i idunno i dunno i dunno!!!

2005-07-30T14:39:00.000+08:00

wah amazing ride!!!its the most strenous activity i've done in a very very very long time..haha i never thought i'd be able to complete it, but i did!and i'm proud of my accomplishment..it was six hours of cycling!!and i was alr damn shagged for a whole week before that..haha just see how things go..wanted not to go alr..cuz i also cant wear shoes(so i was the only crazy person who cycled ALL the way back from ecp to ntu hall 5 in slippers!!!) really really prouod..although now i'm suffering from all the strain i put my very unfit muscles to..haha twitching muscles when you're trying very hard to fall asleep is no joke, man!!but it was exhilarating cycling on the road in the wee hours of the morning, making jokes and having fun..going delusional with chocolate muffins and listening to matthew's soul-rending rendition of the reason by hoobastank..haha really an experience..
so we went to ecp by bus as this coincides with our hall anniversary..so went there and ate for free.. then played very lame games like polar bear and hunter and "we've got peace by the river" and card games tt predict shu xin's "future mother-in-law" opposing to her "wannabe relationship" with some jap guy..haha and we had lotsa fun making ppl eat fruits dipped totally in curry..
it was truly fun...and we made lotsa jokes and frens..yeah!!
then the highlight of the night started and we got our bikes and posed and took lots of pictures before we embark on our journey..
then it was riding all the way..since i'm like quite lazy and tired to write more, it was fun fun fun!!!
so ya.. we stopped numerous times to accomodate ppl whose gears got prob or fell or anything la..shu xin got a palm size bruise and lots of other bruises on her knee(she look like kena abused..muahahah) then we stopped for supper as well in clementi and then there were soooo many nus ppl there as well and met quite a few ppl there...but we were hungry and food was good..lalala...then dunno when they started calling me jing yong..or louis chia when i said my name's not jing yong..haha i act dun even know how to spell his/her name...omg....
then we talked and had fun ...lotsa fun!!robin was organising it and they said it is actually illegal cuz once there was a fatal accident and then ntu banned it..so he was very stressed and he was soooo shocked when he saw shu xin lying on the road..
haha
then it was sooo tiring, and i was very very very shagged alr...but it was like wat i said last time..no matter how hard it gets, i'll get thru it..so i have to complete it..and so i finished it and i'm the first girl to reach back!!yay!!!but i nearly fell cuz legs turned jelly..hahaha.but it was a real great sense of achievement..and so we slept at 730 am the next morning, then i missed the next day's make up lecture..
and tt was the start of my late nite rendevous...blhh.. haha

2005-07-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

hmmm sleep...just cant get enough of it..i have been sleeping for quite sometime alr and i still wanna sleep somemore..its like i wake up for 2 hrs, energetic for 2 hhrs then i start feeling sleepy le..then if ppl entertain me for awhile then will be awake la..for AWHILE...haha then will wanna sleep again...then lectures are the worst la..i dunno how other ppl can dun sleep in lectures wan lo..how do u do it?i step into lecture sure sleep one..without fail..so wats wrong with me?hmmm i also dunno...but know tt i shouold try to get rid of this terrible habit...its just sooo lulling...they trying to drone us to sleep..eternal sleep more like it!
ugh...sleep...zzzzz..............

2005-07-27T11:38:00.000+08:00

i have a theory as to why ppl in our society now has such an attraction to material things.
in human nature, it is inevitable to want to be lazy and just let other ppl do things for u. with material things, u can get it eg. a comp, to serve u and u only. u dun have to care abt its feelings for asking it to do those kinda stuff. wateva it is u want it to do la.dun need to be embarassed abt it. they will just serve their puspose and everybody will be happy. but if u are asking for a favor instead, u need to care abt other ppl's feelings, wat their thoughts are on this aspect, how well they will be able to do it, wat will be effect on ur friendship or wateva stage ur relationship is la. and sometimes i think its just so much easier to settle for material things.
but material things can recipocrate. it cant return wat u give to it, like taking care of it properly or wateva. and tt's where u realise tt u still need te human touch.

notice tt i got more and more incoherent rite after i started the first sentence. haha as usual my fingers and lousy typing skills cant keep up with my mind and everything is just a mess of ideas...ignore it if u dun understd.hahaha

2005-07-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

yay found a friend!!!fast rite?
haha

second mission: find a senior to give me notes! jia you!!

2005-07-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

i'm sad.. i've been thrown in the deep and i realise that i dunno wat to do. and there's nobody i can turn to. its like although i hav my frens, but they are not taking the same course as i am or staying in a damn far hall or wateva la.and its just not the same as havin mun last time. although we were not in same class, it was much much smaller scale and we could share everything. not like our classmates who are there all the way, and i can seem to find ppl who i can click with. i guess this is whr the challenge of being in the uni comes in. of finding your own niche and feeling comfortable and like u belong.and its like i am so blur and dunno anything. time to start anew but it is damn hard to.i just feel soo lost sometimes. and there's nobody i can ask for help from cuz there's nobody taking the exact same thing as uu are. and even if they are, they're not in the same groupp or lec or wateva shit it is as u r..sad sad..

first mission: go make friends with ppl in the same course!!!gambate!!

2005-07-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

i should put up a disclaimer...hmmm wat shd i write there?
eg. 1 "i'm crazy. i ought to be checked into woodbridge. i'm dangerous when not in a straitjacket. verbal deluge will rain on u. dun take heed to wat i say."

eg. 2 "put your palm on the Bible and swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth so help me,God. i dint swore to that so i'm not obliged to tell the truth and nothing but the truth here. so take it anyway u like but dun ever bring it up to me."

aiya, just trying to say tt everything said or done is actually dependant on how one infer and interpret it. so everything is not just how u see it.. there's always the other side of it. a person's interpretation is also dependant on their own personal experiences and their basic values, how they were brought up and their fundamental way of thinking. an object can draw different points of view from different ppl. like an old teaching, one man's meat mb another man's poison. so do not just take thing rigidly and see things from your own narrow view. take a step back and u'll see much more and learn much more.

alrite.enough philosophy for the day. call it crap if you want.haha i dun really care.

2005-07-21T22:14:00.000+08:00

its a happy happy day...very relaxing..just slacking ard, cleaning the room, washing my clothes and packing up my place..and everything is so neat and tidy and clean...hee..love it to bits!!to was in such a good mood both of us decided to dress up and go out for dinner...just the two of us, dun need to worry abt waiting for other ppl or meeting up with them or headache how to meet u with them cuz they stay in e bloody far away hall..haha so me and chii went to west mall for dinner...then just walked a bit then came back...quite hilarious but it felt good all the same...

why am i taking engin?i dunno...mainly cuz i dunno wat i wanna do and i have always had an affinity for sciences and so i decided to take that..its like they say, u will be able to face a known fear no matter how daunting, but u cant face an unknown fear..so its something like that for me...
i dun dare to go and do wat i wanna do, ie finance and banking.its all too new for me..and in a sense i guess i was afraid to find myself floundering again in the deep end like i was when i just came after first 3 mths.so ya there it goes...dun ask me again...

then there's the feeling of unpreparedness that i'm feeling rite now..like i dunno wat to expect...so i guess i shd talk to my seniors more...yup i definitelly shd do tt...but never came around to doing that.and its like.. i must study hard...cuz i am really feeling it now...family responsibilities resting on my shoulders..its like when i was younger, i wanted to know..but now tt i'm older and my mum wants to let me know, i dun want to!but i know she needs somebody to talk to sometimes who isn't my dad or my sis.its just hard to say..
so..why am i in ntu?because i need the scholarship and only ntu gave it to me.so there...all questions solved...feeling muc lighter now... telling half truths or non-truthshas nv been my forte nor something i like to do..ok...enough of crap/..

haha sleep with a smile on my face tonight..

2005-07-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

it's been so olong
and soo much have happened since then...
for one, i went for the MSA camp and it made a difference...partially cuz u find ppl in the same boat as u are...it's like u finally take off that blind fold ard your eyes and u see tt there are ppl around u going through the same thing and probably much much more..and through it all u find ppl to accompany through this journey we're all embarking on...it's gonna be fun and exciting and i'm glad there'll be this bunch of ppl to share it with me..
anyway, we had lots of fun running and around and cheering and dancing and playing all sorts of diff games...it's not tp taxing but the weather really took a toll on me and i am now sick...very sick in fact... had fever 39 degrees!!but now shd be much lower la...then went to see doc and doc said i everything also inflamed!!nose, throat, ears and lungs as wwell...gott take very good care of myself...dun wanna die of lungs inflammation or pneumonia yet..haha touch wood...
then tried to go for my hall camp...it's really really fun too...but too bad i'm so sick..haiz..oh welly well well...
just realised tt tere are soo many ppl in ntu!!then i made a good fren in elaine(she looks like chin chin)haha but is not her la...then there is james, lay sum as well, then wilson and tang ning..eric nd pang same hall as me, right opp my block in fact...then zee's fren is my next door neighbour who turned out to be yu chii's primary school mate..haha wat a small world...then i got a new phone...98416623...

2005-07-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

Get to know yourself

Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2005-07-08T11:48:00.000+08:00

haiz, handsome, smart AND rich!!! wat more can one ask for??

only one thing and one thing only...

anws, i just had a reunion dinner with my PE4 mates from my 3 mths in Taylors...most of them are on with their lives!!in manchester,warrick,essex,melbourne,and all kinds of weird and exotic places i long to go...it's my first reunion with them since 2 yrs (??) ago..more than 2 yrs...but nvm, wen i s still glitzy as usual, was fluffy and flirty...she is like an energy tt tak tentu arah...basically she's just so spontaneous!!

oh darn...have to continue another day..haha shopping, here i come!! ;P

2005-07-05T10:54:00.000+08:00

Take the quiz: "What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=8445">"What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

Eden
You have eden eyes. Eden is the color of water. Your eyes symbolize your great flexibility. You are a creative person. You can think of many good ways to get your point across to people as you have very good communication abilities. When someone feels down or is hurt, you have the remarkable ability to help them and heal them. If you have too little going on in your life, you may be withdrawn and depressed, timid, manipulative, unreliable, stubborn, or suspicious. Some words to describe you: peaceful, sincere, affectionate, tranquil, intuitive, trustworthy, pure, loyal, healing, and stable.

2005-07-04T10:18:00.000+08:00

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

get it?get it?

2005-07-04T10:11:00.000+08:00

shake it like a polaroid picture?????

2005-06-30T20:52:00.000+08:00

IDIOTS!!Blistering barnacles...ugh....
bad enough they are not dishing out the information, when we make an effort to look for it, u cant find it!!wat kinda service is this???
they are such blundering, inefficient fools!!

2005-06-29T12:25:00.000+08:00

listening to a beeee-u-tiful song rite now...oh well always loved this kinda slow sad songs..haha not cuz i'm sad but the slow,relaxing beats and songs sung with such a soulful voice so full of emotion i can't help but be moved...haha so u can see, i'm a romantic..tsk.......

watched batman last nite with sien hui and sabena..haiz cindy's gonna be back in m'sia but she is so gonna take forever to get a job and haul her ass down to kl so i guess i wont be able to see her again...always also like that..this is like the 3rd yr alr la...sad sad...then there's wei zhen who i havnt got a chance to meet up with...oh well let's just say i'm finding excuses to assuage my urge to go shopping...hehe.... am on a fetish for everything rite now..from pants to clothes to bags to shoes...fine, everything then...ugh....

i wanna go out!!!

2005-06-28T12:14:00.000+08:00

hehe i was just trying to respect a little of your privacy..forgive me then but please don't die laughing...*pleads with a doe-eyed stare*haha just acting cute...bla bla bla...neways, missed your company..but enjoy yourself in the gentings...*muaks*

2005-06-26T19:29:00.000+08:00

not a Siaw, but siao-er than the two big Siaws...haha(my sisters are both Siaw-something.me am speshcial!!me am Shing something.heeee*grins*)

today was essentially a boring day, but went w jie to Vig's hse.read this advertising book and it's damn cool!!anybody who enjoys little quotes that are provoking or are just interested in simplistic but impactful ads can check this book out: Cutting edge advertisements.

then off to check out the scuba diving carnival at Cheras. Vig was in charge of the marine conservation project for Raleigh.so he went as well..and with a stroke of luck, one thing just lead to another and he landed in a press conference with the town Mayor!!!haha wat an interesting day..then he was interviewed and we had our pics taken and stuff...cool!!!hahaha

tt's so much for interesting events...had a few thoughts just now, but can't think straight haha...another time then...

2005-06-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

it still shocks me when ever i see how much they are alike...mb i'm pulled cuz of their similarity.though i claim to hate one of them..haha but familial ties run deeper than tt..so they walk alike.its a little saunter/swagger/dragging of feet type of walk..now their haircuts are alike..i know how one of it came abt.from a chinese magazine with andy hui's pic.then they look a little alike.just similarly brown with really dark eyes and specs.the same angular jaw.tt mb cuz they're just thin.haha..then there's the way they talk...the slight whining overtone of their voices..and both are quite "girl".one from being(or rather, claim to be) "the girl's man" and the other from having 3 sisters.they are abt the same built.i believe both are as flabby and skinny as the other now.the same long fingers..the killer was when i saw both use the same pic for MSN AND friendster...*pengsan*

2005-06-22T20:50:00.000+08:00

u know why everybody's always angry at u?cuz u never listen!even if i try to be nicer and everything, notice i always try a different approach?but u take advantage of it..always...stop worming out of responsibilities and take then up!don't mistake me here as trying to be world -wise and stuff like tt.i'm just trying to help u and tell u some stuff i've learnt troughout my very short life.it's time to focus..u have to focus,u may not believe me when i say this cuz everybody does..but think again why do ppl say tt...because there's a grain of truth in it!! so listen...when u can't concentrate, find a change in your routine..try waking up early on a saturday or sunday morning and breathe the fresh air and get down to studying..please dont slouch aaround anymore...i've done things i've regretted in mylife and tt's never really studying really hard..i've pushed myself but never to the limit..i know the "don't follow my footstep" advice is the hardest to follow cuz i've gotten my own fair share of it..but do try...try harder than u are trying now..
anyway i'm ahead of myself now..and if u do your stuff all right, nobody can wrong u for using the comp..

so clean up your act!!
to somebody close..you know who u are..

2005-06-20T12:21:00.000+08:00

i've got my laptop alr...so happy...and met yee ma last night.went to her son's new restaurant for dinner..was supposed to watch mr and mrs smith after that but dint get to cuz min havnt finish homework yet...sheesh...
i shd stop myself from thinking tt i'm settling for second best..it's gonna kill me...always holding out just in case i get the scholarship for nus...it's not going to happen and i'll have to face it...i'll just ruin my time in ntu and i'll have a terrible time at ntu if i keep thinking tt i could be else where having more fun..it's just like this in jc...but then tt was partially my fault...and this is partially my mom's fault cuz she's the one who keep asking me to wait out for nus..mb i don't want to cuz i know i'll end up like that..mb i was just too lazy..but now the seed of that devilish thought has already been planted in my head and i'm suffering because of it...snap out of it!!*slap slap*

now it's just a matter of convincing myself...

another thing...io have no idea why i'm taking mechanical engin...i'm really starting to worry..will i hate it so much?will i like it?will i turn into those seniors of mine who are soooo miserable doing wat they don't like?ooh oh...i think i'll just have to pray to God that i will like my major....pray for me as well...

2005-06-17T22:47:00.000+08:00

finally changed my skin!so happy...
another reason for happiness...my laptop's arriving tomorrow!!!yay!!!!

rolling around bubbling with joy...hahahahahehehehehhohohoho :))

2005-06-17T16:15:00.000+08:00

my first memory of u was when we were in scgs(or was it mgs?) for a briefing..u were my first fren.(though tt's cuz u were with my only fren in s'pore at tt time who i knew fr kl) but twists of fate are not to be looked down upon..after tt, i nv met u again..even if i did, i dint recognise u..until the day when i was once again the new girl in the block.i saw u and i thought, i know her..i know somebody in this whole new place. of course, u were the leader of the pack..always have been and always will be...attribute it to ur star sign but u are truly a unique person..
rmb a day when we were walking together aft a long day and i was(as usual) having a sugar craving. and just bought a Snickers and was laughing at the joy of eating. and u asked me, why so happy over a Snickers?i was kinda struck dumb(truth to be told). then u said,so easily satisfied.i was , of course, jumping to my own defense and said tt i just enjoy the small things in life. by tt statement, i realised tt tt's how i shd live, taking joy from small things in my life. though i may still be unhappy abt losing my nerve to run for sc,i am at least gleaning a little joy from these simple pleasures. i lived happier. i wished we could have gone deeper from there. wished now, as i look back on these times,tt i shd hav made more effort wen i noticed ur sadness.wished u'd open up as well.wished i cld have made a diff to u..(but then,i'm realising now i can't do everything.)
i dunno how u feel abt us. i've been meaning to call u out for a long time now.is it just tt i nv really cared?or tt i was secretly afraid we'll all end up uncomfortable cuz we were nv really did these things?wat was our friendship?is this only my ego talking?
no matter wat it is, i hope we can start over again.but i know tt's its alr too late. we'll nv be able to create the bond tt living together forge in us..tt's cuz we let the opportunity slip through our fingers.we were naive.we din't even try to grasp at it.but i hope tt we can establish at least a correspondence cuz i still care.and i pray to God u'll find your own happiness out there and tt you'll finally be free from all constraints.

a tribute to Ruthie...

2005-06-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

this is just a re-editted post of my 5 june entry.

this is long long over due...

my uncivilisation was a great experience..definitely!!its a once in a lifetime experience.i wouldn't like to repeat it but i wouldn't have missed it for anything!!haha so i left on the 8th of april or was it 7th?nvm...i reached there early, then was posted to the changeover site,this beach hotel cuz i went there late and missed the first phase..so instead of going for 3 phases,i only went for 2.there's community,adventure and environment.i chose to give up the latter. a phase is 3 weeks long.

so it was the day of announcements, they were to reveal where i'll be going to spend my next 3 wks and who with.i was sent to the poorest region in sabah in a kampung called kampung liu.its got a primary school and a kindergarten.we're supposed to build a kindergarten to replace the old one(cuz it was in a building owned by the church and they have to return it).so i got the know the villagers.they are soooo nice to me...they sayang me so much...its really heart warming.they taught us a lot of things.like how to make beaded bracelets.(i got this traditional Rungus necklace they made for me).and how to cook sweet rice.how to process rice(by gounding, pounding and sifting the rice).i only manged to master the first 2 steps though..hehe...i learnt how to cook over open fire(was amazed at how they could do tt without burning the house down...haha)..how to make oats interesting for the next 6 weeks. .i was also the translator.its really stressful considering my malay is how chao bad!!!how to straighten a bent board.
.the planks they use are untreated.so they change according to the weather and they warp really easily so we learnt how to find planks of the same thickness how to reduce a step, how to put up a window.and in the process, how to break into a building(we had to get something in the locked old kindy). we even came up with a whole new way of sawing a plank while sitting/lying on the ground and how to hammer a nail in the fastest way(use small taps then use long heavy strokes to get them in there).unfortuantely, i got some really nasty wounds tt got themselves infected and so i was incapitated for the last few days.
we also had 5 hr long treks to the beach and got eaten alive by mosies and sand flies.set off during dawn and watched as the sunlight kissed the hills..its as if the hills are alive!!.reminded me of sound of music.and then we got lost ..haha but continued walking using our instincts..rejoiced when we see the sea far off.. taught english lessons to the really cute younglings of the kampung,taught english math and science in the pri sch cuz i couldn't go to the work site, taught the children games and played with them.i was reminiscing on my own childhood when we played batu seremban and getah and skipping rope and bladi bladi bla.also learnt how to use an elastic...could shoot pretty accurately..hehe.(oh i miss those little things!!)and also played volleyball with the teenagers there when they came back during the sch hols.and also sunbathe in the middle of the padi field to even out my tan(wait, its not a tan,i'm chao da.)
then there was also our nites out in the half-built kindy or ard a fire during Radio Raleigh(this entertainment thing they thought up for our entertainment.)we can't heard a thing half the time anyway.haha.but it was just good fun to sit ard and slack.and we had Tim Tam slams...go buy Arnott's Tim Tam, read the side label and u'll understd wat i mean...it's total luxury!!we also had dampers.a kinda aussie thing like bread to cook over the fire.milo was a delicacy there.even for me who really hated milo.we also slept under the stars once.in the kindy and it was threatening to rain and we woke up with our mosi nets all wet cuz of the morning mist.
went to church once with them..it was quite interesting listening to the service in mixed Malay and Rungus.then I tried on a Rungus traditional costume(tt they use during marriage).but its in Eddie's camera so i dun have it yet since he's still traveling ard Sabah.I also explored the village a little..their houses though made of wood, are actually really cosy and good looking..haha oh ya there's no electricity there so they use generators and it causes such a din right outside our house tt we can't hear ourselves think and can only sleep after they shut it down...haha but it was all part of the experience. we dug a new longdrop(toilet) and it's humongous!its 6 feet deep and at least 1 sq metre wide. the guys are crazy!!if the planks fall thru..oh u're in deep shit..haha
basically it's been fun fun fun and i'm really glad my presence there made an impact in somebody's life.although i regret not having spent more time with the locals..and was really surprised when Raini(the kindy teacher) smsed me yesterday!!!haha so happy!!! and eddie is there now i wanna go back too...he's the malaysian who was in the same phase as i was..oh i miss them...living such simple lives..envy..

there was a farewell party, lots of tears and food.we danced the Sumazau and Joget.they sang 'Auld Lang Syne' in Malay.we had a "cultural sip".haha just to test their tapai(rice wine)..then it was the end of 3 wks and we're back at changeover.then it was adventure next for me.i got into the dive trek trek group.so first week was diving in this deserted island.we had 4 days of intensive training, it was hell lots of fun.a whole new world down there.but i was a little freaked out when i had an accident on the second day of dive.here i learnt to put up my own hammock stretcher style so that its like a bed.they had a sturcture there.we woke up to a fabulous view of sunrise over mt k. everyday..and then we also had a treasure hunt and we got the prize!!!its so easy i dunno how the rest of the groups dint get it though.our little island had a sunset spot as well.dint get to take pics though but it was BEEEAutiful...haha then we had our finals and i past it with flying colours to be a certified open water diver.can dive up to 18 m.was fun.saw lots of clown fish and this fierce little white fish and also lots of colourful corals and urchins.for the last 2 days we had reef survey out in the blue.and i was in the transect gr.to lay the lines for the survey. our group had a lot of bonding sessions aka card games..ahaha most commonly played game is shithead..haha next on the list was strip piggy.the person who lost gotta strip off a piece of clothing.we also played volleyball and basketball with the dive instructors.talked to the other visitors there.the ang mohs and prcs and japs.was good fun...the island was so pristine..such a sad thing to leave..sigh...
then it was out to the wild.we trekked from inobong to our jungle camp,i was the smallest girl ands carried the heaviest weight.and ppl were wondering y i was slow.stupidity. then for the next six days, we lived in a hammock and tarp over our heads. the river as our bath tub(water is damn cold!), a hole in the ground for our toilet.we call it the long drop.we then climbed a hill everyday to our trail clearing work site, improving the oldest trail through e crocker range. we had to build step.so there was lots of shoveling and parang-ing and mattocking and sawing.
we made steps for about 2 km stretch in 4 days.it was hard work.but really fulfilling.but i dint get a pic of it...sobs..it was as impreesive piece of work!!.i'm proud to say i'm the only girl who use the parang(its a huge chopping knife)and dint hurt myself in someway.(dunno how the rest use it one...tsk tsk)we did such a good jopb tt the other gp who are making steps in another part of the trail praised us and said it was much better than theirs!!hehe
then after tt it was off to complete the trek to terien then buayan then kianobe next bamboo camp aka leech camp thenits tikalod our end point..oh btw, we carried a lot of stuff w us. we carried our stoves, our food, our radio which weighs 7 kg. and then batteries for it its the huge batts tt we use in physics lab to weigh down the retort stand.and there's two of them!!!and solar panels to recharge them.and our tools as well.and of course our personal kit.
and did i tell u abt the food we eat everyday?hehe...everymorning, we get oats(they call it porridge)..so we learnt how to make it more interesting by adding milo or coconut milk or bananas,raisins,nuts and yadaaa yadaa yadaa.then lunch is without fail,cream crackers with a)tuna, b)sardines,c)corned beef, or d)peanut butter and chocolate spread..everyday!!!!and dinner there's greatest variety.either noodles,pasta,mash potatoes(instant ones) or rice(they are hopeless at cooking rice..heh so am i)with either beef,chicken or mushroom pasta sauce.occasionally get beef curry.once we got frankfurters.then there's this terrible mixed veg thing they call chop suey.and kidney beans are the horror of horrors!but my saviours are pudding.there's custard,cake and tinned fruits.those being my fav..they curb my sugar craving.ahaha i can drink all the syrup in one tin..they thinki'm crazy.and we girls drank condensed milk straight out of the can.heh no wonder my sis said i got rounder.
so everyday,put abt 20 kg on our backs and trek uphill and occasionally downhill for abt 4-5 hrs and cross river reaching up to our waist line...battling the shrubs and the heat and leeches!!leeches at the back of my knee,on my shoulder, under my shirt, on somebodyelse's bum, leeches everywhere!! and of course,as the time goes by, our body gets used to the pain and the aches tt we have and our saving grace was the fresh fruits in the villages.and we had the fastest trekking record among all the groups and we dint(thankfully)have any whiners.others take 5 hrs, we take 4.and it was like tt until the last day when we stopped continuously to eat..haha the guide will just come up with diff kinds of fruits along the way,bananas,pineapples,papayas,citrus fruits,guavas.haha it was a hell lot of fun.
i'm really glad i made it thru and for me, the biggest challenge was the physical challegnge of pickingup my rucksack and picking my way thru the roots.and singing to myself was definitely a plus.i walked and walked myself into oblivion.its like ur mind stops thinking abt wat u are doing and u are in a kind of limbo.weird?hahabut it got me thru it all...the rivers were amazing!!but i dint get much pics of it either..sobs...i mean them its like practically every camp is close to a river.got some really beautiful pics of sunset.the stars were so bright and beautiful as well...definitely breathtaking.and moon was exceptional.its like in story books u read abt a moonlit path.and there u can experience tt.in the city its just too bright to see tt. and its as if u've got a giant street lamp over u...it was simply beautiful!!have to see it for yourself.i can walk ard without a torch!!it's tt bright.
then to top it all off, we climbed mount kinabalu, the tallest peak in southeast asia for the sunrise. it was breathtaking as well. i was really really tired by then.at least we dint have to climb w our 20+kg rucksacks.and it took me lots of effort to get up there.but the view was worth it. and it was very very very very cold!!!there were 2 stages. first climb in the afternoon to the halfway point, then leave the halfway point at 2 am and start the trek to the summit. tt last bit was taxing. good thing it was dark. cuz when u can only see wats directly in front of u, it helps u focus and i think its part of the reason why i made it up ther.i got up by 5.30,before sunrise.and froze my butt off waiting for the sun to rise.my gr was the only gp where every member made it up before sunrise. so was trigger happy during sunrise but it wasn't really clear.then started the trek down afterwards.was amazed at how high i managed to climb and the view was fantastic!!
then it was the end of my expedition.
then we had the end of expedition celebrations..haha party in another deserted island..we played in the sand with the sun and sea as our companions..although it did drizzled a bit, all of us are roughened out and wat's a bit of rain?haha partied all nite long..they had some auction thing going on then it was dance time.the next day, left the island for kk and its just a matter of time when i came back and had to rush for my NUS and NTU scholarship interviews..crazy schedule!!
was amazed i came back in a piece....one thing i learnt was tt no matter how xin ku it is at tt point in time, i'm not gonna die from it. i'll have to live thru it anyway so y go thru it miserably?why not have a time of your life and be happier?so i'll learnt to stop moaning so much...and also became more confident i think although i'm still a shy shy girl...hahaha another thing is that also know when to stop and smell the roses. live life for yourself, not others, for u will lose yourself along the way and one day wake up asking, wat the hell am i doing?...and so i see uni as a whole new start for me and i hope i'll make it thru with everything intact.haha..

2005-06-14T09:29:00.000+08:00

first, it was the scanner tt went bonkers...then it was the uploading thing..so i had to find another host.. now tt i found one, the stooooopid scanning program refuses to open...wat's up with this comp???

my dad just got me a laptop...it's mine mine mine!hehe soooo happy.and i dint so much as ask for it...heee i was thinking, tt i'd be lucky if he gets me one with the pc loan...but to buy one w/o loan...it's like a dream come true...not tt extreme,but it kinda applies to this situation.albeit it's the cheapest...but it's configs are good so heck...no money to spend on its looks anw...as long as i have one it's good enough for me...hmmm luv ya, daddy...

haha just realised tt he earned himself a real good father's day present..haha moving on to the next "tragedy" in my life...
i knew i'd regret it,but still i went..every single time it is like this...i dunno wat's wrong with me..when he started snipping away, i instantly hated it!i dint even have the time to scream "stop!"...and now, look at tt hair!!

forgive me...have always been a little tiny bit obsessed abt my hair...:P

2005-06-13T11:32:00.000+08:00

juat thought its time for me to write something...
have been driving my mum ard lately...been giving each other heart attacks*laughs*..
then there's my sis who's happily diving away in pulau redang(i wanna go too!!)
and after 3 mini-sentences, i'm again too lazy to type...
anyway, just something to announce..ma zun wai is soo cute!

2005-06-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

just editted my previuos post to give more details and gossips..heh..but if u havnt read it, dun read yet..i'll announce a gain when i'm done editting.heh...oh and since my comp hanged, i couldn't get the pics up..sobs...

2005-06-08T17:30:00.000+08:00

some pictures i took during Chinese New Year...i went to the kindergarten my sis is teaching- the children's house.the kids are sooooo cute!!!my favs are...

little anya...(and my sis)..

another with me...soooo cute!!!!

this is little James..another cute little thing...just managed to get him to stop crying...

and another one...cute cute....haha....

2005-06-06T10:30:00.000+08:00

just realise its been more than a yr since i start blogging.
hmmm...

btw,those who wanna know more abt my Raleigh/jungle thing, i'll elaborate more when i get my pics alrighty...

2005-05-31T10:54:00.000+08:00

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http://www.pizzahut.com.sg/html/funzone/images/personality_test/images/chicken_supreme.jpg">

2005-05-30T13:26:00.000+08:00

back for a couple of days and i'm sick of my blog's skin already...now i've got an obsession with roses...all thanks to dan brown...seems silly but true...but mostly cuz of lancome...i love their roses...hee...those who doesn't know wth i'm talking abt can go visit lancome's website...ok i dun feel like writing anymore...
hunger is a very strong...emotion?erm i shall just stick to "motivator"...

2005-04-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

so i'll be leaving tmr...and will be in isolation in the most ulu-ated place around for 2 mths...or rather i've ever been in...nervous of course...its too long an established fact tt i'm a city girl...haha i shall die of the quito bites ther...joking...touchwood...anw, the only form of communicationwill be through snail mail and here's the addie:

Expedition 05C

RALEIGH INTERNATIONAL

PO Box 14182

88848, Kota Kinabalu

Sabah, Malaysia

I'm sure u guys will know to add my name at the top...and since i'm at such an ulu-ated place, the snail mail will be really snaily...heh...oh well write to ease my boredom...

pray for me these 2 months...haha

2005-04-04T12:30:00.000+08:00

my brains feel are like scrambled eggs...i cant seem to do more than one thing at a time...not only that..i also dun seem to be ablecollect all the correct information and act on it...is this a mental condition or an emotional one?
and all the time lines are so jumbled up...ughh...andi'm leaving soon...no time left to do everything...i suck...

2005-04-02T13:20:00.000+08:00

i finally got the ,music playing...but somehow its a bit weird ya?haha cuz i cant find it so i uploaded it into their server...
anyway...i think the song is very meaningful and wat the lyrics say..i really wish to do...i can't tell whether i'm alr at that stage...i dun think so...but i really hope that after this expedition, i will have moved on and be ready to fly...
it's like this past 6 years was the story of my life...sadly...but it was where i learnt to stand on my two feet...still a little unstable nonetheless...and the past 3 years have been the constant erosion of my spirit...my cheerfulness...my personality...and a stocking up of my craziness...i hope that's not a sign...haha but after so long, i feel really tired...like some 50 year old guy waiting for retirement...like washed out...and hung to dry...and its time for me to find myself again...to search for the enthusiam and inject some life back into my soul....dun take this so seriously k..i'm not as emotionally dehydrated as it sounds here...haha but it kinda portrays wat i wanna say and how i feel...and i hope that this expedition will be the answer to all my doubts and err...everything la...haha can't find words...

ok now enough abt the song...i just bought my rucksack yesterday..haha and i'm so happy...primarily cuz i got deuter and the correct size and fit and at a quite ok price...but also cuz, e auntie that i finally boought it from is so nice to us that i dint mind at all paying the extra 10 bucks although we did get a slim fit and 5 litres more...haha the first auntie so evil..she say u go to the auntie downstairs and she gave u this price for this bag...so she gave us same price but for a smaller bag...then we were so irritated with her like u must buy from me!!!then we say we need to buy something else first then she said when u leave and come back, u wont get same price..and i was thinking, wat kinda business are u trying to make?like we have to buy from u...she say she sell cheapest in whole malaysia...shove it up ur *** man...wat load of rubbish...so we just cut her off and walk out of the shop..leaaving her screaming for us to come back...

the moment is here...i'm waiting for the page to load...i just assumed i wont get it...cuz i know its quite impossible...but there's always that little sliver of hope embedded in me...its like a piece of glass glinting in the sun...and to take it out will cause blood shed...
ok so ya...the damage is done... right now its out..but there's no blood yet..and i hope the wound will heal fast..hopefully it wouldn't turn into those sorta wound that will slowly turn red then bleed....please pray for my fast recovery...

2005-04-01T12:58:00.000+08:00

"Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male
Your brain leans femaleYou think with your heart, not your head. Sweet and considerate, you are a giverBut you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!"

What Gender Is Your Brain?

can't believe i'm more guy than amy...haha

2005-03-23T11:53:00.000+08:00

wanna know why i'm irritated?......too bad..i'll tell you anyways...

it sone thing wasting my time filling out the bloody form in comp...another, not being able to print it all out...its worst when u can't even print the blank form out!!!so wat?can't do it online, can't print it out...and if i do it manually,aka mail to gic to get a hardcopy, by the time it gets here, its the due date alr!!!argh!!
and the best thing is that they dint provide an email add so that i could at least send it to them as an attachment...

and those that gave an email add, haha their forms are adobe...so i can't bloody type in them!!!so i'll have to snail mail it to them and if i wanna be faster and email them, i'll have to scan and i have a feeling, no. i know!! that it will turn out a total disaster and they wont be able to read anything....wasting time wasting paper wasting ink and my effort!!

now tell me again wat was it that was irritating?

2005-03-22T08:15:00.000+08:00

its so bloody early...my sis told me to wake up early to book a flight...assuming it'll be cheaper in the wee hours of the morning...wrong assumption...

anw, i took this What's">What's your celebrity look? and this is wat they say...
With the eyes of a Botticelli and the smile of a DaVinci, you're the latest embodiment of the Romantic Look. It's your fascinating combo of dreamy innocence and smoldering desire that always keeps 'em guessing. Your tender, inner nature comes out in the soft colors and flowing fabrics of your clothes. But just because you can pull off the pastel eye shadows, pouty glossed lips, and the wide-eyed look of a kitten, everyone knows that you're no angel. Once you slip into something sexy for the evening and dab a little fragrance behind the ear, you're capable of just about anything. Mysterious as a cat, you share the same romantic allure as Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, and Andie MacDowell. And just like them, your sincere, inner beauty always manages to shine just as brightly as your striking appearance.
laughed your head off?so did i...haha and the part abt penelope cruz...strikes a note ya?hahaoh well...only perps and licia will know wat i'm talking about...haha morning entertainment...

2005-03-21T20:58:00.000+08:00

i had a dream...

just a testimony of those things tt i can't let go..and stuff that i didn't know i still havn't let go..suddenly feeling like i've aged for there are so many things that i'm appreciating now..which kinda drove me to start a diary...i havnt lived that much to make so many mistakes that i learn from them...surprisingly it was a mixture,a collation of everything...so ya...the power of dreams...

2005-03-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

just for the record, OC still rocks...watching the 2nd season now...

2005-03-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

somebody put me out of my misery...
buggerified headache...

once a week is a healthy dosage?sucks..

2005-03-17T14:25:00.000+08:00

"sigh. decisions, decisions. what a load of lifechanging decisions to make. and i'm only bloody 18. this isn't fair." to quote,unqoute cal...

i know i know...me too...but i shall not pile any more sorrows into this blog...its burden is alr huge...oh well..iu have no idea y im doing so many things..i really cant wait to go but at the same time,im just too heavy to boost my spirit for the exp...

leave me on an island of books and i'll be happy...

2005-03-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

i need to change my template soon...its getting on my nerves...i hate selling stuff....had a meeting with this singaporean guy on bakerzin,..wanted to do tea for fundraising...sucked to the max..so bloody unprepared...but i did enjoy the march into the facilities in my heels and towering over him...yup...passed my driving test...can legally drive by next week...although the test also sucked...saw sin yi there though...shes one of my juniors who got jpa...but i found out she actually older than me cuz she jan baby...so with all the suckiness in my life...its definitely hard to move on though i did find the moments tt nobody nagged at me tt i can throw myself into my book(fantasy one i borrowed from a friend) a very pleasant getaway....the book reminded me of my sec sch days...where i was a voracious reader with a frightening appetite for books...my nose constantly buried in them...it also brought down on me the wrath of my sch teachers and the staff at RIB(heard from chel that mdm cheah had eye surgery and is now old alr...considering she was "senile" when we were there...)esp when i promptly fell asleep at 930..haha just 15 mintues before prep tie ended...even chieh suang couldn't find a way with me...
wait,back to the book...its by anne mccaffrey...about crystal singers....i rem gleaning the library of all the fantasy books like mercedes lackey, david eddings, raymond e. feist and of course, anne mccafrey...i love her dragon series...the flying and time travelling and weyrs...you guys should give it a try...i have found back a part of me tt i lost through the years and days tt i toiled during the os and as...i had to give up reading...i know i bordered on the obsessive...amazingly,none of my siblings seem to be similarly afflicted...my love for books will never die...for in it i found a part of myself whose flames of hope will never die...for it is where no wisp of wind will ever touch..

2005-03-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

still sore...dun ask....
should i be nonchalant?
why does my coping mechanism only sees amnesia as the only way?but then again,its just like Fiona in The Thorn Birds.i feel like a vesssel drained of all emotions..how do u subdue such fierce and strong emotions?i'm tired..truly i am...i hope i can find the respite tt i've been unconciously searching for when i go...

but then again,evasion is not the answer.

life is like a vacuum cleaner - it sucks.

2005-03-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

I ought to slap myself....*smack!!* there....

2005-03-11T10:33:00.000+08:00

my brother, my brother, my brother, my brother..."BONG!" *smashes him over the head* Blood splashes everywhere, and his head rolls on the floor.."Hooray!", cheers the crowd. But the headless him stood up...walking towards me....Wait a minute!!! It only happened in my imagination!! wat the @#$%^!!!

2005-03-10T14:17:00.000+08:00

sick and tired.tt's wat i am...wat's up with nus and ntu following the footsteps of their US counterparts?huh?why cant they just stick to being easy and simple...instead of requiring all sort of essays and stuff...oh well...and my bro managed to make me wanna pull his hair out!!!!!

2005-03-09T13:09:00.000+08:00

it's juz tt seriously.. u nv seem down to me. u always seem sure despite being sleepy and all. n u always seem so happy to me..

i have no idea y i'm crying...every single thing just seems to trigger those tear ducts...i hate being this way...even when i had to let something go i wasn't like this...i have never cried so badly in my whole life...even when i had to silently suffer those yrs tt were to carve my being...me, a person who can so proudly say tt for the last 6 yrs, she has cried less than the number of fingers on her hands...and it just makes me laugh tt i'm e one crying but at the same time comforting her..tg nobody's home...i dint even cry when my grandad passed away...i have to face up to it man...but it hurts..it really really hurts...rips up my heart...i've always known tt if i ask,there'll be somebody out there to hold me...but i'vce always been unwilling to give my self up...

thanks perps...and cal...for your trust and faith in me....thanks for the support...just for somebody to talk to...and ears too...hah...
btw,part of why i'm weeping my soul out are joys of tears for having such wonderful friends and am just touched....

love you guys...take care and all the best!!!! *showers of kisses and a huge bear hug*

2005-03-09T12:35:00.000+08:00

yar she says i'll regret blah blah they're usin emotional blackmail.. tellin me theyll buy me a fuckin bmw.. i mean, they only drive a nissan. they think im too young to decide... really really really long story. i wish i died during the wkend
seriously.......... one whole lot of domestic probs... sometimes i wish i nv did well.... all the emotional blackmail.. n otha stuff.. hard to explain bt i feel fucked up to the max

with this kinda things happening, how am i to help and calm?i myself am bloody floundering..and tell you wat...i am drowning...i just cant stop crying...i tot it'll be over after sun...but no...those shadows have to keep jumping at me where i least expect it...i am definitely not up to being there for you....although i really wish to....but not now....unless u wanna jump into this storm with me?hah i dun think so...

there's been time when i just wished....i know i have nobody to blame but myself...but at the same time,how i wish tt there's somebody...i brought it upon myself cuz i let it go...te opporunities just slipped through my limp fingers cuz i was too scared to grab it..but actually its damn hard to let go...oh well...wtf

2005-03-09T10:20:00.000+08:00

i was wrong..rem i said i'll cry no matter the results?i just realise tt i cldn't cry...not in front of mrs goh(who said something nasty).wats up w me and my form teachers?hmmm jaq yip the b***h said i dun deserve my good results in sec4 and now this?although in a way i dislike mrs goh more now cuz she is evil...i mean who goes ard,i told you so....at least jaq yip gave me something to hate easily...
anw,so this is it...rem our philo of if it doesn't hit you by next year it'll never hit?well,i've been hit..a lot of times...and now i'm down as a bloodied casualty...nothing can really save me and tt's really depressing...
so i figured its really not tt hard to keep up pretenses...although like now,i'll constantly feel tt lump in my throat and not say much for fear my eyes will spill and destroy my veil of happiness...before this,the sky has been the limit...fallen grace...
and i went back to sch feeling really weird tt day...we were sitting beside each other but couldn't talk...its sad cuz we were quite close before this and not we can barely talk to each other...but then again,it's been more than 3 mths...mb wat its wat happened at the end?haha i dunno...either way..there's only 2 possibility.either he's fallen or he's bolted..but then again,not everybody cld stomach my advice..haha
then there's chan and perps who i'm very happy for...they did so well...ok tt kinda applies to perps...but i'm also soooo happy i got to meet them...haha dint realise how much i missed them until i saw them again...haha perps is turning more and more matured by the moment i'm starting to feel like a kid beside her...only my height is my saving grace..and chan..haha happily ever after...when she and him not playing break up tt is...haha i hope u read this...anw,its been a wonderful weekend all in all cuz it definitely strengthened our friendship and i'm very happy abt tt...anw,i have a story to tell....

Rain and Caramel are very good friends.they were in the same class and they got really close during the last yr of sch. caramel is not local...and rain has had a depressing childhood.so even though their friendship started to grow and grow into something beyond friendship,both of them were unwilling to acknowledge it.caramel scared it'll never get them anywhere cuz she may be leaving forever and rain feared tt his past has scarred him for life and thus render him unable to love caramel the way she deserves it...so fear gripped them and they passed the ast yr together with the excuse "we know too much shit abt each other to get attached"...but rain's desire of wanting caramel to continue being part of his life is so strong tt he finally asked her...and caramel agreed...not to the surprise of those who knew...in denial as usual...haha
so they lived happily for weeks...going out,doing things tt make them a couple..(this story is starting to become crappy..shall not let my imagination run too much...hahah)but because of rain's past..he is very insecure...he fears tt one day caramel will leave him either to go else where to continue her studies or just tt she raelise she doesn't really love him tt much anw...and caramel...has not much fears cuz she knows how much he loves her and she has always been the strong headed one...but rain being as he is,was unconvinced tt caramel loves him as much as he does her..and tt increased his fears...(ok i think i'm starting to repat myself)..so he decided to cut it first..to keep his heart safe and not laid as barely as it had been...he doesn't really trust tt caramel will keep it safe...caramel on the other hand,has feared tt rain will see things in his skewed perpective and break it with her...so caramel decided to break it first...but they just did things in their little world...they did not step into the oter's shoes to see how the other felt...they were convinced tt they were doing the right things...but they dint realise how their one-sided decision hurt the other...but there is no blaming one another for there are just too many factor at work here and one thing led to another...and after they finally talked it out(cuz they still love each other very much and cldn't bare to leave each other.), they realise tt actually it is alright....and now they are happily ever after....
this story is purely a fiction of my imagination....but there's a lesson to be learnt here...do not be so narraw minded..u'll most proib end up hurting more than u wanted to save...and i hate those p[pl who does things in their own perpective and think they are so bloody noble..haha okla...enough abt this...this is getting boring....so has today's entry compensated foir the lack of news for these days?hehe

2005-03-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

i lied...there's no running away from it...u try ur best to deny it..but it just comes back to haunt u...me, i mean...so ya...tt's wats finding me looking ard, in the net for consolation...there is no solace to be found anywhere...how can i describe the ominous feeling of tt ever widening pit tt's opening beneath my feet...it'll be a long fall...and the bottom will be dark and dank...it absolutely terrifies me...so accute is it that i was momentarily frozen in its magnamity..this definitely spells my impending doom.... so this is how Keanu Reeves' Constantine felt in his desperate attempt to redeem himself...i should start to do that too...but too bad for me...i'll be alone with the mice at the bottom of tt pit in about 14 hours time...pray for my soul...please...may i see the light again...

2005-02-28T10:35:00.000+08:00

btw, this day is the day our younger counterparts receive their O's results...hmmm wonder if they coined it "the small O"...kekeke me am evil...hiak hiak hiak...

2005-02-28T10:07:00.001+08:00

btw,this day is the day our younger counterparts receive their O's....wonder if their are coined the term "the small o"...hehehe me am evil...hiak hiak hiak...

2005-02-28T10:07:00.000+08:00

the big A...the bIG A...wats up? i ask...wat's the big deal....surprisingly, my dear friends out there..this maniac down here has been anasthesized...so she has no feeling for "the BIG A" watsoever...ya rite...if u see me crying on the day the results' out, u'll know y...hmmm actually i dun think u'll know since i dun think i'll know...haha ok so much for tt...
me not frustrated abt the results(yet!!)..but abt the day the results will be out...u see, i will have to,(i) call my aunt tell her tt i'll be staying over for how many days, when to when, etc....(ii)buy bus tickets!!!!highly important..and somemore this period tickets in quite high demands too...so if i have to buy it on the day or the day before,chancers are i'll have to walk all the way down to singapore..(nola,not tt bad..just joking)..(iii)pack...me hates packing...even if its only for a coupla days...ya...and usually when i pack in a rush,i'll sure forget stuff tt are highly impt...(iv)call up my friends...the scheduled meetings...only this time i think it'll be worst than when i was leaving...haha meeting up with friends, analogy-ed to going to work...anyway, that's just some stuff....but if the sure fire news from doris lee comes only the day before(and she dared ask is it enough time!!),i 'd rather go with the speculations...
only tt there are so many dates floating ard out there...personally i think it'll be out on monday 7...but like weizhen said..practically everybody will be down to get the results o friday and u wanna go down 2 wks later?jokes...and jokers...

2005-02-24T12:16:00.000+08:00

as evidence of my boredom,now tt the interview is over and i'm just waiting for the next upcoming thing,and our constant guessing game of when our a's results will be out, i just took an IQ test...haha and guess wat?my IQ score is 136..and...

Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

well...at least tt's a booster for my deflated ego as i think i did really badly for the bloody interview...haha shallowness of it all...

btw,i have rekindled my interest for comics again..except this time(since i have no access to anything!!) i'm just looking at pics from the manga series...i love CLAMP's work..its so beautiful...and my tops will be Sakura and X...hehe...i like Clover too...but sadly they stopped the series without ever finishing it cuz its not very popular..but i love it...oh welll that's beside the point now...

2005-02-14T13:09:00.000+08:00

am still blinded...am i?i dunno..really have no idea..or shall i allow myself a little hope...or is tt tiny amount alr too much...a tiny little slit will let everything thru...it's like a dam...a tiny hole will break the whole thing cuz the pressure will be greater..and tt tiny amount will be enough to build my dream castle on a cloud..and a breath of negativity will demolish it...so i guess ya i definitely am still blinded.... ... time to put on my shades...
am also trying very hard not to see things thru rose-tinted glasses...but it does lend a good view to things around me eh?its like mists in the morns that you try to grasp but u only get wisps of nothing...illusions ya?definitely...ok...i shan't think so much crap..
anw, GONG XI FA CAI..... .... ... me happy cuz this yr got a lot of ang paus..cuz every year my ang pau collection periods are also cut short..sobs...hehehe...
and i feel so bloody old!!!!!oh my...i can't take it anymore...now i look at uniformed students and feel so bloody old!!!!!and my cousin's newly married wife is just 25!!she's supposed to be much older than me..not only 2 yrs older than my sis...oh my....to be face with one's age or mortality is the cruelest thing...
like they say...u spent most of your life trying to fend off middle age and suddenly you realise u are alr deep in the middle of it...argh...
and the bloody sound card is not working...so i can't hear my mp3s....sob...it's my only entertainment...sobs....
and y is everybody in uk????why??!!!i wanna go there too..i wanna go i wana go I WANNNNNAAAA GGGOOOOOO!!!!....hmph but poor me gotta forgo tt cuz it's bloody expensive!!!!i love that place..i always wanted uk...actually i never knew i'd be applying to us until i applied.....ugh!!!!!save me......
oh my mum asked us: when are you going to get bfs??haha cuz my sis and i also dun have...hahaha we did laugh our heads off though..
urgh...should i should i not?tt's the qn...

2005-02-03T15:31:00.000+08:00

i just read a couple of blogs...talking abt childhood traumas...tt how an event or something tt somebody said had scarred you for life..or how ur silence had encouraged somethings..or how the desperado in you continued to push you towards those hypocrites tt you despised just because they are popular and you long to belong..normally you'd like to think that u are the worst..you have suffered the most and you deserve to be loved more and pitied more...and you think you are the only one who have suffered,you are wrong, dead wrong..ther are ppl out there who have gone thru the things you had and have suffered similarly...ok i'm not trying to 'scold' ppl out ther for being selfish cuz... .... .... .... oh well...i wanted to say tt it has led me to think abt some stuff..and i have lost my train of thought while talking to munyin about rock climbing...can't blame me tt i was excited tt i forgot wat i wanted to say...and anw,"no one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous."- Henry Adams...

2005-02-02T22:16:00.000+08:00

i wanted to talk about longevity, wanted to ask whether any of u know that when u add pepsi ice and pepsi fire together, u'll get a grey drink instead of the logical purple?i've been thinking too much again..
have you ever felt like ,when u were a kid again, just kena scolded or something and u'd wished tt u'll disappear or u feel really dimished?and have u ever had felt that you would suddenly feel like that again just because somebody said something or somebody did (duh!)something tt suddenly transports you to years past and u feel like finding a hole to crawl into...or more like its like picking at a wound that you thought have long healed..i never knew i will feel like that again..and at something totally not solid....haha so ridiculous..i never thought tt something so small can affect me that way..maybe tt's y i dreaded this..its like an infected wound that will just get all inflamed again at just a tiny prick!!shan't talk abt this anymore..

longevity....why do ppl wanna live for so many years??i mean it's not like the world is all at peace and there are so many weird diseases coming up...from kawasaki to the most recent SARS...and they havnt even found a cure for cancer yet..and with old age comes many many other age related diseases like rheumatism and osteoporosis..and even then, it's starting to affect ppl younger and younger(eng a bit weird but heck...) .. i mean so many ppl are so obsessed with longevity..or even immortality....the earliest i know being the chinese king in the chang-er myth(chang-er drank the king's elixir of life and floated away to the moon..)..then there is qin shi huang...and even the voldemort in harry potter wants it...(note: all things said here is without any research basis so if you disagree,just erase this entry from your memory...or u can contact me but i doubt i'll be amending anything)....oh well as for me, i've always wanted to live until the age of 65..haha y 65 i dunno...but perp promised to raid my 65th b'day and finally be able to murder me after 46 years of keeping the grudge..haha jokes of course...tt is of course if i do not die of heart attack first when i sky dive at the age of 55..hahahahahahaha

oh well..good news..i passed my undang test...then had very yummy lunch today at my dad's office(nearby)..and then had crash course before my amali..which they are not going to conduct...so basically 5 hours of compulsory theory became 3 and 1/2 hrs and then after passed got 6 hrs of theory before can mohon L license..supposed 3 hrs theory and 3 hrs amali..but they did the 3 hrs theory in 2+ hrs with a 25 min break in between!!!and i just heard crap...crap crap and more crap...and the egoistic 'penceramah' is a big fat male chauvinistic PIG!!!he kept putting the girls down and saying that the girls cant drive or stupid or wateva..and if he'd bother to look around, he'd see that whenever he made any comments about gender, the six girls out of seven people in the class will turn, look at each other and roll their eyes...insensitive and egoistic and brainless to the mix...
ok...the tv is occupying my mind rite now...so i have alr forgotten wat i wanted to say..oh well...there's so many things i wanna watch..heh...rite now, unfortunately, i live for my daily dose of tvb serials..sad case?pity me?dun...it's time i catch up to wat i've been missing out these past six years and this is one of those i missed most....mb cuz its symbolic of domestic living..ok before i start turning philosophical again,

ciao...

2005-01-27T11:32:00.000+08:00

anybody ever wondered wat is shmiley?instead of smiley or smelly?haha.. ever ever ever??
its actually not original..i took it from this chicken soup for the soul book..forgotten which one cuz i read so bloddy many of them after i practically gleaned all the books in the ij library last time..haha...
oh well there's of course a story behind it...

"My grandparents were married for over half a century, and played their own special game from the time they had met each other. The goal of their game was to write the word "shmiley" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmiley" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more.
They dragged "shmiley" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whoever was preparing the next meal. They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. "Shmiley" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath. At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave "shmiley" on the very last sheet.
There was no end to the places "shmiley" would pop up. Little notes with "shmiley" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmiley" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace. This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture.
It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love - one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection which not everyone is lucky experience.
Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome an old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em." Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other.
But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' life: my grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside.
Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning.
But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone.
"Shmiley." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my grandmother's funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time. Grandpa stepped up to my grandmother's casket and, taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby.
Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew that, although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty.
S-h-m-i-l-e-y: See How Much I LovE You. "

now you guys know..and btw, i combed site after sites to look for the story..so exhausting...but it's still a wonderful story is it not?maybe there is hope afterall...

2005-01-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

cousin's wedding over..so happy.. a lot of things were happening on the 25th..first and most important, my cousin's wedding, then i know mun, chii and winnie are going back to singapore on that day. and for so many years, i kept forgetting, so James, if you're reading this, happy belated birthday..haha...
anyway, this morning, my auntie and family left for perth..this really signals a close to one phase of my life.. cuz i won't be able to see even only Kelly anymore..those times when i had to go over her to babysat her..even when carol told me i was mothering her..and Crystal, so cute and angelic..although irritatin at times but oh so cute and sweet..and her never relenting hugs and wet kisses*wipes cheeks*..haha and the little rascal Russell..just giggles..and i love working around him to get him to do things my way..hahah..(sounds so evil..hahah)..oh well...i'm being oxymoronic..just like when they're there you can't wait to get away but when they leave, you want them ther...so ya..annoyance...contradiction..i hate being this way...
oh well, wat will a new day bring to me, my plans for ahead..start fundraising so that i can go for the expedition.. me only going for the last two phases so tt i can go get my results and have some time for interviews and stuff.. current ones will be getting my driver's license, sign up for yoga lessons, and go rock climbing...haha... at least i managed to find other ppl who are interested and not only eric since he going back to s'pore soon..oh well....now this feels like a new year..
time to settle down now..me not going anywhere soon so i better get down to it..certainty....banish all uncertainty and see the light..hahah

2005-01-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

"...watching over as if it were a portrait on a great banner, rippling gently against a cerulean sky. his eyes were even bluer than that celestial backdrop."

"Adam disobeyed and ate the appled, gobbled up the fruit of knowledge, so God decided to let him know all sorts of things, both light and dark. Adam's children learnt to hunt, farm, thwart the winter and cook their food with fire, make tools, and build shelters. And God, wanted to give them a well-rounded education, let them learn, oh, maybe a million ways to suffer and die. He encouraged them to learn language, reading and writing, biology, chemistry, physics, the secrets of the genetic code. And He taught them the exquisite horrors of brain tumours, muscular dystrophy, bubonic plague, cancer run amok in their bodies. You wanted knowledge, God was happy to oblige, He was an enthusiastic teacher, a demon for knowledge, piling it on in such weight and exotic detail that sometimes you feels you were going to be crushed under it." -----Cold Fire by Dean Koontz

2005-01-22T14:52:00.000+08:00

more and more alterations to my blog...speaks volumes about wat extreme boredom can do to you..
but not for these few days..cuz me FINALLY learning to drive and got my cousin's wedding and to entertain my numerous cousins..haha and the babies..and to be social escorts to my mother,my auntie,my cousin..or whoever who needs company..i think i'd better charge..haha and for all the typing work i'm doing for my sister too!!haha..oh well...

2005-01-20T13:07:00.000+08:00

saying no. 1:
only God and Hitchcock knows..hmm who is Hitchcock?is he some guy like Nostradamus?how did tt came abt?

saying no. 2:
you can come up with the 1st possibility and e 2nd but u'll never can come up with a 3rd.it's called suspense..haha nothing to say abt this..i just like it..

both of those i got from the movie big shot's funeral..it's super hilarious..and yet it is also rather philo..i think yi jian will get a laugh out of it...and the philo is like those kinda cheap arthouse production type..where all their links are everywhere..but its not la of course..please it stars rosamund kwan le..and she's so pretty...but really, the movie is quite good..but the beijing accent is terrible..not like my chinese very good now also la..then add their accent..i can barely understand wat's being said..

anw,heard of rapunzel?anybody with a typical childhood would have..but i'm not discriminating anybody...not even those tt heard it but not in their childhod...ok starting to not make sense alr...now we know why my gp gone haywire..anyway..wat i'm trying to say is tt this rapunzel here is similarly trapped in her sky high tower but she unfortunately, has no long hair tt can double as rope nor does she has any prince charming coming her way..so sad right?haha

something i picked up from my tvb drama series..hee...she was explaining to her dad why she's getting a divorce.."a woman's skin when she's in her 20s and in her 30s are vastly different..and so the lotion tt she uses in her 20s may have been perfect, but now tt she's reached her 30's it doesn't work anymore.and so she must throw it away before her skin becomes all wrinkled and dry and then only she complains that her lotion doesn't suit her skin.."bascially throw it away before she becomes wrinkly and dry..and i just think it's quite an interesting analogy..haha i mean how many ppl can think of such inovative ways to say such a thing?haha but then i think sooner os later she's gonna realise tt her current lotion is multi purpose and can last her all her life..

Heroes are people who rise to the occasion and slip quietly away. - Tom Brokan

2005-01-18T14:07:00.000+08:00

ok..blogging is the activity to do when i'm bored..so ya..dun complain..haha..
i watched this hk drama series last night..then its like sometimes the things they say are poetic in a way..
they were watching the birth(but i thinkits actually death) of a star..then e girl was supposed to meet her long time crush to watch it together..so she was there with this other guy who has a crush on her..then when he found out tt her crush wasn't coming(cuz she and him met up and she felt like nothing alr)..then she said tt it's like the birth of the star..the light tt we see are light emitted millions and billions or years ago..and now,right at this very moment, the star is alr not in existence..and she said it's like how she and her crush are..tt she has been seeing the light and dint realise tt there is actually nothing behind it anymore..
and ya i guess i can say tt we are easily blinded and disillusioned by wat we see but we dont think about wats behind it all..and we seldom use your heart to feel and reach out..and we will realise tt actually there are a lot of ppl out ther who cares..
see..i did say i think way too much..
oh well back to the story..then the guy who is with her(got crush on her tt one) say tt mb u should take it like an omen to start a new life again..just like the borth of the star..and the girl said..look at the moon..from this distance its so huge and round and beautiful..but if u peer at it through the telescope,u'll see that it's actually just a rock with lots of pock marks on it surface...and so sometimes its better to keep things at a distance and just stay tt way..and the poor guy is shi lian alr..haha
oh well enough crapping for today.

2005-01-18T13:56:00.000+08:00

heh i just realised how much i love to stare...stare into space aka stoning..or just to make it sound better,"meditating"..haha politically correct term..staring at the skies..have you ever realised how beautiful it is?the night sky or just looking out into the horizon..its simply breath taking.. the wonderful blend of colours..u know wat?i think that's wat i miss most..the times when i can just look up or out of my window and see the night sky, or the perfectly round moon shining or watch the occasional planes fly by..or watch the sun set or rise..its the colours..definitely the colours..it's my wine..i can get drunk init..only sad thing is tt i dun have a camera or good enough camera..haha i will like start a photo diary or something..just to record each day's passing..the skies and stuff..hmm i really would like that..those who doesnt understand ask me wat's so nice about it whenever i ask them to look at the shade of blue or the layout of the clouds..the different types of clouds..thay joked "havn't you seen the sky before?"..that's is not true..haha in fact i look at it every single day..and yet it still changes everyday..its full of surprises..even a cloudy night is special...i will never get tired os staring into the sky...
satring lets my mind wander..i think i think too much..but i love the peace and quiet..i think of all nonsensical stuff..hmm i guess now u guys know where the crappy stuff come from..ya i definitely think too much crap..i think about how things may have been..i think about how i should have handled that situation better or how i shouold have stood up for myself...i think that if i weren't to procrastinate,something may hav come out of it..i think lots of stuff..i think about how we used to tease each other and how the mudmud always gets teased..she is not my mudmud btw..she is my amah's mud mud..which will make her my greatgrandmudmud!!haha oh well..there goes the missing part..i think about wat will happen if i really go back and find a job..i think about the exp..i think about wat i can do for fundrraising, i think about how to help my sister win her loreal thingy thingy...(but really,how do you make a wordy pp slide more intersting when the content is sooooo bloody boring???totally beats me..)i think about the ocean and the valley and the other valley or ocean(undecided?)i think abt whether u want laut atau gunung.saya tau kau mahu gunung tapi kamu saja boleh dapat laut..at least from me..sebab saya tahu ada lagi satu gunung..i think about wat will happen, wat had happened, and why it happened, why it CAN'T happen...think about it....
oh well...now enough thinking,i have some complaining to do...
firstly,i dun understand why am i to blame for somebody else's lack of dicipline,self-accountability and responsibility?if the link is how you put it,then you are to be blamed too..really,everybody ought to be blamed...it's not my fault that tt he lacks..(too lazy to repeat.refer to e above.)...and he is not young anymore..do not treat him like he's still five!!he has enough brains to figure out wat he wants..although i do think he still think he is 5 instead of lima belas..so gth...and wth..do not even get me started on him..it's totally beyond his capacity to understd..
now about another person...i dun understd y he makes such a big fuss out of nothing..i am starting to feel like im chained..i mean its just a harmless activity..and i dun understd y he just would let me go..not tt i can get hurt or anything..nor can i...ugh..i dun even wanna think about it..so ya enough complaining for the day..

2005-01-17T13:08:00.000+08:00

u guys remember very long time ago i had this obsession with adverts?haha now's an addition to my nike ads..

THE POWER OF AFTER
So this is how superheroes feel,
Bam!!
Everything feels so jump-overable,
Cartoon gleams shine off you.
You feel like you're carried on the shoulders of an adoring crowd,
Children follow, wearing t'shirts with iron-on pictures of you emblazoned on them,
You have that sporty nickname you've always wanted.
You're mighty mighty.
You are nikebeautiful.

so ya..i got this from mun's mag..i think i got it on the 17/11..haha thank god for my diary which is grieving from my lack of attention...bleah...

2005-01-16T17:30:00.000+08:00

i'm bored!!!haha i know i said i'm too lazy to be bored so soon...but really,i'm bored alr..and today is only the first day that i officially have nothing to do..(not really true cuz i still have two very urgent but not so important apps to do)..haha so how did i spend my day?i sleep...i sleep and sleep and sleep..u won't believe how much i sleep..mb huong can but tt's beside e point..haha i woke up late,had breakfast watch some tv then got nothing left to do so i went back to sleep..cuz i was tired yesterday la..was awake for 20 hrs even aft rigorous exercise early in the morning..ok so ya then i woke up for lunch, watch vcd,then some tv then nothing to do again so i went to lie down for awhile..haha of course i dozed off la..haha then hmm just woke up..so ya how much of sleep is that?haha i already feel myself rotting away..haha

2005-01-15T19:35:00.000+08:00

lalala~ unless you've been thru,u'll never know how therapeutic pushin the button that says submit is..haha i suddenly feel lifted from my depressionjust like that..lalala~haha i'm so happy now..yay!!!
muakz!! love the world!!!

2005-01-15T18:33:00.000+08:00

today's the day tt my brain's been the most active..imagine discovering tt its not 850 words tt ur essay is limited to but 850 CHARACTERS!!that was the ultimate test to my summary skills(which is not very good by the way..)so i ended up literally rewriting my essays!!no it's not called essays anymore..but personal statements..for my tired hands' sake i shall shorten it to ps..
i have squeezed so much of my brain juice to give them a concise and interesting one-paragraph(i hope) that my brains so dry i'm having a headache..imagine all my crap reserved energy used up!!(the thought can't even be formed completely!!)that's how terrifyingly bad the situation is..
now all i have to say is:i miss you guys out there!!all of u..really!!haha i missed our pigging out sessions in mun's room,the laughing sessions in my room during the exams period tt ppl have to sms u to tell us to shut up..i miss the noise, the laughter, even the tickles..and hitting pig of course and culik-ing dog fr u, and crowding ard ur laptop to fight like kids just to beat huong's minesweeper score.i miss going downstairs to the disgusting tv room(i dun miss the disgusting part just the journey down).i miss being able to go to the pathetic playground just because i have nothing to do..i miss my phone..i even miss huong's our-future-is-in-your-hands philosophy or other crap stuff she can come up with..i miss talking to so many ppl cuz nowadays all the ppl i see are either my family or strangers that will hopefully turn out to be my frens..i miss those carefree but not stress free days..i miss talking to my frens face to face cuz now i can only talk to them online..i miss not being able to be there to share all the mundane details of your day..from the i got caught in the rain to freaky phone calls from strangers who ask you "hello mei mei. ni hao ma?"(ok act tt was my incident but i stil miss sharing it with you!)..ok the one tt's yours is the freaky guy who tried to follow u back to the hostel(cycled past u,turned ard and said"u are so cute!!"haha tt's e ultimate!!)..ok la i admit it la..i miss singapore la..just a little bit..but it's cuz of the ppl not the place!!haha okla..i only miss the public transport..(but now i have two"drivers"..hehe my sisters ie..)
but then again i cant go back to how it was..even if i go back to the place,the guys will be in ns,the scholars are home..so it's like bits and pieces of my life are now all around the globe!!wow wat an amzing theory..hmm so theoretically i'm also all ard the world la..haha enough crap..and then winnie back in jakarta, some working..some too engrossed in anime to even visit this blog, some going to australia alr..some in vietnam (hint!!!!!), oh well ya..i guess u know wat i'm trying to say..even if u dun,it doesn't matter cuz i also dunno wat i'm saying..(told u i'm having a headache now).
oh well i guess wat i'm trying to say is tt:i'll be getting on with my life now..it's time to let go...like cindy said years ago:do not hold the sands of time too tightly, for they will all slip thru your fingers.but hold it lightly and they will stay there.so ya..muakz ppl..i'll miss ya always..

2005-01-14T13:39:00.000+08:00

yoohoo!!!i'm on!!haha so much for calling for help just now..i managed to make the entries appear without any help*pats myself on the back*..*grins*..this is a great achievement for a computer idiot like me..haha..
oh well i'll be officially out of my depression when i hand up the applications day after tmr..but its so fast and i still have so much to do..but i can't help but wanna blog everyday cuz it's so much easier than thinking of wat to write in their supposed short answers..then i have to cram info abt their uni for them just so tt they'll be impressed..i mean how fake is tt?and by now, thanks to the countless essays i wrote,i am very good at exaggerating alr..you say tt its just cuz we seldom pen down these stuff so when we actually do it sounds exaggerated but it's actually not?i dunno whether you are trying to soothe me a little but i still think its exaggeration...
haiz now everybody going to work or learning driving alr...and perp got a really well paying job..it's like even better than relief teaching and works less hours..haha and her job is so slack tt i chat with her every morning while she dl songs..tsk tsk..
hmm so i guess i'm finally in contact with my pri sch mates..i guess its kinda like i was dreading this time(when i return to kl) to come cuz i lost all contacts with my pri sch mates so i am kinda like friendless in this city except for the scholars la..and so i was like trying to contact them thru like friendster and stuff..so ya now i'm in this like circle thing they have to keep in touch with each other so ya...but i still feel quite weird..cuz they like meet up regularly or at least once a yr and i havnt seen any of them for like six yrs alr..except for yao zu who i met when i came back fr bangkok..
oh well i have to get back to the dreaded essays i have to write...one piece of advice to all you guys out there on uni apps...decide where you wanna apply to early and wat u wanna do and start thinking of wta u wanna write in your essays..although last minute work sure works miracles for me,but its a terrible process to go thru...i am a guo lai ren..trust me..

2005-01-13T10:23:00.000+08:00

lalala the bloody thingy is screwed up...so i guess nobody will be reading this entry for some time..hmmm mb i shd blog into the thing str...is it how it's done?cuz i have no idea..
realise i like talking to myself?
yup i do..this is my every morning activity..since i can't sleep till likle lunch time or something,so i wake up and play games or go online or try to make my entries appear on the bloody thing..
so this morning,i was woken up...by the incessant beeping of my sis' phone...its so early tt none of us could hear the thing..anyway...then i woke up later to my mum asking me to give her my phone sim card...reason: she's going to s'pore..i bet she made the decision late last night..as some of u know,she goes down quite regularly when i was still there,cuz of her business thingy thingy..
so ya she's going down...topic's closed
topic no.2: the chaos harry and joyce made last night...
background info:harry was supposed to fetch joyce to somewhere..i dunno where and he asked her to get ready by some time la..then she was supposed to pack her stuff and wait for him but she wasn't done when he arrived..
story: so they started screaming at each other..he said she should have known tt she will take a long time and so she shd get started earlier..she said tt since he told her then she's alr been getting ready...so ya..it's like watching a tennis match and it goes poing,poing,poing back and forth..so irritating..and he just sits down there and complain abt how late she is and how she just always takes her own sweet time and yadaa yadaa yadaa...and refuses to help her pack!!!so being the kind me,i helped her pack so tt she'll be faster and harry will talk less..and of course,when they asked my opinion, i just kept my mouth shout,refusing to be dragged into a stupid argument such as this..and of course she also got back at him...but i still feel like banging harry over the head...mb cuz i have natural inclination to be symphathetic towards women but still?!he was acting like such a jerk..ok so enough about them..
i quite happy now..got quite a lot of my songs back and songs i dint have before..hee..
anyway, i see some similarities in some people that it's starting to get quite frightening..i mean,they share the same name and they act alike,has the same kinda brain,erm thoughts i mean,or mb minds..anyway,same prniciples..and stuff i really wonder whether god accidentally duplicated them...it's really really scary..mb i shd intro them to one another..but mb like ppl will repel each other..but its still really freaky..
but all in all,quite amusing..just that one is older than the other, taller than the other,has better hair than the other,more meat than the other and less vulgar than the other..haha

2005-01-12T10:29:00.000+08:00

its already wednesday!!!i'm so doomed...somebody please kindly tell me how the hell am i supposed to write about why i chose wat i chose to study and wat interest me about my intended discipline when i don't even KNOW wat the hell i am going to study?it just surpasses the capacity of my mind right now..and i am on a very very tight deadline here...ugh..idiots..they call it short answer and then indirectly tell u that u are advised to write an essay instead by the line,"please limit your response to less than 850 words." and the essay(the official one we have to write) is limited to 250 to 500 words..which is(you MUST agree with me)significantly less than 850..and guess wat?as short answered questions go,its usually more than one and guess how many they have?four!!!stupid idiots *#@$^!!!!
alright anybody who is sick and tired of my complaining is barred from reading my blog ever again because:
1.i created this blog so that i have a place to complain all i want and my poor friends in real life will not have to suffer my constant complaining.
2.just because i say somethings here doesn't mean i will say them in real life..
3.do not take everything u read at the surface..please use you brain,use your brain,use you BRAIN ah!
4.i can't think of anything else logical to say.but this is my blog and i can say wat i wanna say and if u're not happy with that u can go screw yourself..nobody forced u to read my blog anyway..
to nice people who read my blog frequently or are just plain nice people,i apologise for the language used...to those who are so innocent,please just go home and forget about wat i just said..bye bye..

2005-01-10T14:31:00.000+08:00

hmmm me am back again...heh kept to my word right?actually i dint realise until i read the previous entry...now i'm not so bored anymore cuz my cousin's wedding is coming up and have to take care of my baby cousins..not so baby anymore but then they are the youngeest in the whole family..but still soooo cute!!!oh my if u guys saw them i'm sure u'll say that too./..they are just so adorable..yum!!haha then i have to pei my mum and my auntie to go look for dresses and stuff like that..then i am going to take up yoga!!haha finally found somebody to go with me..yay!!oh and i am currently playing tennis too..haha it's not too bad..havnt suffered any aches..amazing right?i'm rather surprised myself..
and i met kenny..big kenny from ajc,rib,the kl guy?haha yup met him in this talk thing for ANU..then one of the girls there supposedly rejected the asean scholarship cuz of SARS then she also happen to have gone for the intro weekend..the one that my sis did not tell me abt..then i went for the expedition briefing yesterday..then jie's sec is adrian..haha he acts like linus..quite funny..very very lame person..very scary though and he could tell i was the sister haha but i think now everybody in raleigh except for joe quah knows already la...my sis say if the older members knows tt i'm their sis then i'll kena bullied like shit..but so far so good la..
but the thing is i dunnop whether i can go for expidition..cuz it's on 15 march..good tt it shd be after results are out but i will have to apply for uni and scholarships too..so i dunno whether i shd go or not./.and if i wanna go,i'd better start fundrasing soon...so all you people out there who read this,have to contribute a bit hor..haha if you wanna know how,can email me...*smiles*
oh then the other night,my dad met mun waei at his office..haha i dint know she was part of the crazy company!!haha do not get me wrong..but i too lazy to explain so just do not assume anything after u read this paragrpah..
oh and happy happy me have downloaded a few phantoms songs..but not as shiok la..haha but still happy..
oh well by this time tomorrow, mun,chii, huong and vi will be on their way traveling ard vietnam backpacking supposedly..so fun but my mummy dun let me go...
oh and for those who doesn't know,adrian's down with chicken pox..haha (i invite all of you out there to laugh along with me..)
oh well well,i have to go..so many people making so much noise..how to think?(i'm sure u can tell i' not using my brain very much now)ya.. so i shall leave you guys here..oh and plaese come online more often or mail me snail mail alsp can...
my add is..

B-6-3, Kenanga Point,
11, Jln Gelugor,
55200 Kuala Lumpur,
Malaysia..

hee..so ya..ta ta..if you guys are sick of listening to all i ask of you alr also can tell me to change the song..oh and since i'm kinda on the downloading songs mood now,please recommend some songs that are nice..i welcome all languages and all genres except for techno..oh and songs old and new are welcome to...thanks you ladies and gentleman,have a great day ahead..*takes a bow and leaves the stage*

2005-01-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

i watched meet the fockers with mun the other day..tuesday i think..it's hilarious..i highly recommend it to anyone out there who needs a laugh..esp ppl who are filled with spite..
anyway,it's a really small world..i went for this uni thingy and guess who i met?big kenny..from RIB..haha i guess it's a blessing in disguise for him cuz ANU is definitely better than NUS(sorry guys,i am a true blue Malaysian..)and the place is great..it's a capital but not too hectic..if i can get the bloody scholarship that is..if not,u guys with your hearts set on going to NUS will probably see me there next year..but pray hard we don't..
err as u guys prob can see,i'm still obsessed with phantom..haha..and it just got worst..hmm a bit no link alr..darn i just broke my don't-blog-so-much promise..oh well must keep to my word..be back mb next mon?will keep u guys updated..for my sake..

2005-01-06T14:04:00.001+08:00

notice i'm blogging very frequently?
says something...i'm bored..mb tt's y i'm going crazy..not tt i got nothing to do...but i've got nothing i wanna do...makes sense?good...
i really shouldn't blog so frequently..shall try to resist....
get on with my life...but then again,wat life?

2005-01-05T13:35:00.000+08:00

i went to help with the tsunami relief thingy in St John's cathedral on monday nite..hmmm helped then sort out the donated stuff into boxes and label them..then the container came and we had to help load it up to the container..did so much lifting..haha training my muscles...and it's aching like dunno-wat now..ya...went there at like 10+pm..cuz my sis heard it over the 10 o clock news on the radio..then i went w my mum..met some raleigh ppl there..
so sian so many things to do yet i dunno wat to do..it's like losing a direction in life..haha when we're in sch,we have no choice..now i dunno wat i wanna do also...and i also wanna do everything..hee..go sky diving or scuba diving..hey,wat's w me and diving...nvm...me rambling now...
and i'm so musically deprived..my sis reformatted the comp and all my songs are wiped out..and i also dun have my josh groban songs alr..bleah...i dunno where to download my songs..can't even go to pasar malam to get pirated ones..ugh...and i am alr sick of listening to myself sing..haha and i lost my love actually cd!!so sad..sob..then my discman konked...so i cant even play my other cds...bleah...sad..sad...
i think i going crazy alr...ugh...

2005-01-03T14:35:00.000+08:00

the first day of school....and i do not have to go...hmmm such a weird feeling..it's like i dun have to go to school anymore...for the moment at least...nostalgic and happy..
but i still woke up early..wanted to go jogging w me dad this morning cuz i ate so much over the last i dunno,since i came back,tt i feel 4 mths pregnant...haha so ya...supposed to run...oh while we are at the topic of eating,let me talk a bit abt my trip to pahang...
to attend this pretty jie jie punya wedding...haha so ya it's a wedding dinner...so obviously we got ten course chinese dinner...results:2 mths pregnant...then e next day,guess wat we have for breakfast/lunch?ans:6 course chinese meal plus a bowl of soup...results:add another month of pregnancy(hmmm sentence structure very wrong here..but who cares??me no writing essays anymore..yay!!)then wat's for lunch/tea?ans:lots and lots of durians and mangosteens and rambutans and langsats and bananas...and i mean a lot!!!mark my words it's a gigantic pile of fruits we supposed to finish...can amount to a mini mountain a kin to those ard us...(hint:we in the mountains,you see)..grand total:4 mths pregnant...it toook a lot of eating to accomplish tt...haha be proud of me...
ok so ya...so much eating,not considering my trip to bangkok before that resulted in me being at least 2 mths pregnant and then the subsequent dinners and parties i went...now u understd when i said my hols actually just started...cuz my mum's been dragging me(and my siblings) around to all sorts of places to eat...haha nv got time for myself yet..was so busy..
ok yes,back to the topic...sorry for digressing so many times..haha ok so was supposed to go for a run to try to return a bit of my sense of healthiness(i was feeling terribly sluggish and pregnant!!haha) so i left w my dad early in the morning,send my bro to sch and then we headed for the lake garden...we reached the park then started to walk...hmmm, i was thinking, mb its for warming up...so i dint say anything...then aft some time we have walked some distance,i asked:we not doing stretching?then he said walk one round first...then he said must warm up cuz the last time he was here for an hour and in the end whole body ached..so i just followed his pace lo...i'll die if i run for an hour la!!half an hour i half dead alr!!haha..anw so i just walked la...then he went into this patch os grass...started stretching...aft tt,i was all ready to run!!
but we started walking, then we made pit stops all ard the park doing various exercises and stretches...then we have nearly completed one round...so i tot we going to run alr...then he climbed up the stairs leading to the unmistakable exit..i was horrified,no la just exaggerating...but still i was supposed to run!!haha so in the end,i woke up so early for nothing,got scolded for nothing and still feeling pregnant...bleah...
haha but i came back and slept till 1pm...haha happy happy

and for the sake of pig,i shall tell a bit abt my bus incident..
aft i left e cab,then walk to the checkpoint lo...crossed the customs,then waited at the bottom of e escalator while craning my neck to see if the bus appears...but there's no jam,no queue so it's impossible for the bus to be behind..ya..and believe me,i have never seen soooo many blue buses in my whole life!!!bloody hell...
so i called...then they said tt the bus took tuas link...so i was stranded there..haha so i just jumped on the 170 bus to larkin lo...then took to larkin and go buy ticket lo...then got home lo...
haha i got home e same time i wld hav if i dint miss e stupid bus
oh and actually i think it is good tt i ended up in first link instead..cuz 2nd link sure no jam...and i wld definitely have missed it there and its so far fr larkin...and i dun think got bus there to larkin..so ya...good la i guess..haha

2004-12-30T13:37:00.003+08:00

Think of Me

CHRISTINE
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.

Remember me
once in a while -
please promise me
you'll try.

When you find
that, once again, you long
to take your heart back
and be free -
if you ever find
a moment,
spare a thought for me

(Transformation to the Gala.
CHRISTINE is revealed in full costume)

We never said
our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .

Think of me,
think of me waking,
silent and
resigned.

Imagine me,
trying too hard
to put you
from my mind.

Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . .

We never said
our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but please promise me,
that sometimes you will think of me...

2004-12-30T13:37:00.001+08:00

Music of the Night

Night time sharpens heightens each sensation...
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defences
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For I compose the music of the night...

Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendour.
Grasp it, sense it tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing music is deceiving
Hard as lightning soft as candlelight
dare you trust the music of the night...

Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn't what you want to see.
In the dark it is easy to pretend
that the truth is what it ought to be.

Softly, deftly music shall caress you...
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you...

Open up your mind let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which you know you cannot fight -
the darkenss of the music of the night...

Close your eyes start a journey through a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts of the world you kenw before!
Close your eyes and let music set you free...
Only then can you belong to me...

Floating, falling sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me savour each sensation...

Let the dream begin let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night...

You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night...

2004-12-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

Angel of Music

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Insolent boy!

This slave of fashion

basking in your glory!

Ignorant fool!

This brave young suitor,

sharing in my triumph!

CHRISTINE (spell-bound)

Angel! I hear you!

Speak -

I listen . . .

stay by my side,

guide me!

Angel, my soul was weak -

forgive me . . .

enter at last,

Master!

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Flattering child,

you shall know me,

see why in shadow I hide!

Look at your face in the mirror -

I am there inside!

(The figure of the PHANTOM becomes discernible behind the mirror)

CHRISTINE (ecstatic)

Angel of Music!

Guide and guardian!

Grant to me your glory!

Angel of Music!

Hide no longer!

Come to me, strange

angel...

PHANTOM"S VOICE

I am your Angel ...

Come to me: Angel of Music ...

(CHRISTINE walks towards the glowing, shimmering glass.

Meanwhile, RAOUL has returned. He hears the voices and is puzzled.

He tries the door It is locked)

RAOUL

Whose is that voice . . .?

Who is that in there . . .?

(Inside the room the mirror opens.

Behind it, in an inferno of white light,

stands the PHANTOM. He reaches forward

and takes CHRISTINE firmly, but not fiercely, by the wrist.

His touch is cold, and CHRISTINE gasps)

PHANTOM

I am your Angel of Music . . .

Come to me: Angel of Music . . .

(CHRISTINE disappears through the mirror,

which closes behind her The door of the dressing room suddenly

unlocks and swings open, and RAOUL enters to find the room empty)

RAOUL

Christine!

2004-12-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

lazy lazy lazy...bumming around....bones too heavy...everything is starting to fade away...blurer and blurer it becomes...so far away...fading....fading....fading....

2004-12-30T11:38:00.000+08:00

sometimes,you just have to thank god for all the small things that helped you along the way,to make everything smoth sailing.although i cant exactly say my day was smooth sailing,but i am really grateful for wat those few who helped me in small ways they dun realise...

2004-12-25T10:49:00.000+08:00

hey!i'm back from bangkok..haha haiz so tired..oh MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!haha so fast time passes...soo many things have happen and i dunno where to start telling..err let's see..exams ended,i have went rock climbing,done a lot of moving(you won't believe the amount of boxes minh and lita has..haha),swimming,wanted to go kayakking but too ex..then played a lot of pool,done a lot of walking and shopping..haha
haiyo...i'm missing s'pore...haha never ever thought there would be a day i'm saying this..haha no la..more like missing the ppl!!haiz...
oh yesterday,i met my pri school fren!!haha i havn't met or had any contact with him for SIX years!!haha and he recognised me...oh he walked up and like you rmb me?and of course i did he still look the same..haha just taller..quite amazing,ain't it?fate at work i guess..haha but silly me forgotten to get his mail add so now back to like the past..no contact..sigh..hmmm
oh the only thing i rmbed was once he challenged me while we were doing chinese calligraphy..then i was kinda stubborn too so i painted a moustache for him...haha paiseh man...haha
oh did i say that i'm not coming back after christmas alr?my sisters pulled out on me again..haha wats with me and being abandoned ya?haha so shuei...
bleah i happen to miss everything man,havn't met pek they all yet then they went back to s'pore alr..then also can't meet up my my clique ppl..and my kors..and my mothers..haha
so ya..so sad but me gonna learn driving soon..and watch a lot of tv..haha bleah i running out of things to say except..MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2004-12-10T13:43:00.000+08:00

oh my, it's been such a long time..it feels like such a long time..but looking back,it's only been a little more than two weeks after a's has ended...haha can't believe it right?well you'd better believe it..haha.
in such a short time,there are only like two m'sian guys left on the floor and the girls are all moving out tmr..
graad night has come and gone.
for those who knows carol,she's attached!!haha never tot that would happen?well it did..haha..hmmm i see many unexpected things have happened..haha oh well...
so yesterday i stayed up during the class chalet which none of my group go...i din't sleep at all until like 7+ after we watch the sunrise..if you can call watching the sky change colour sunrise..haha..so i only slept for like one and a half hour.bleah..and then all of them can go back and sleep but i have to rush to sch to do this bloody USC essay that is due TODAY!!haha come, you're welcome to congratulate me...thank you very much for your kind support...
notice how much crap i'm piling into this entry?must be my brain turning into grey fluff due to lack of sleep...
some background info: i haven't slept before 1 am for the past week..no,actually it's more than one week alr..and i always wake up very early the next day..bleah..i'm so brain dead..how am i going to edit my stupid essay in this state..haha
and if i let chung chung read it,i'm sure he'll gladly write me a wonderful, fantabulous testimonial or something..haha have you had enough to see of the extent of my crappiness?
darn i going back on the 18th tentatively,then smart asses C and W have to come back on the 18..wtf..
but then again,my mummy wanna go bangkok..so i may go home before that..since i won't have much reason to stay here soon..
hey,i let you read an excerpt from my essay..

Easy as it may seem, we have to constantly support and guide each other through all songs. Every score is an intricate web of trust and a delicate balance of interdependence and independence. Any slip a member makes can either spell the doom of the song, or it can be rescued by a strong, reliable safety net weaved by the other section members.

it's crappy rite?haha i was just letting my creative juices flow...i'm sure chung'll puke when he reads this..haha although i think mag low will suddenly love me or something..haha
ok enough is enough..i am done with crapping for today...tata

2004-10-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

Hestia was the sweet Goddess of the Hearth. She never married, but that's only because too many people liked her and she didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. She was the motst gentle of the Greek pantheon and she was way cool. Like her, you make the people around you feel content and loved.Go you!

tt's some crappy which greek goddes are you quiz...i was rather entertained cuz my other one was....
Aphrodite is the patron Goddess of love, beauty and prostitutes. Though some people might think you are a ditz, you have more depth than anyone knows,not to mention the power you weild in your self-comfort.

2004-10-20T22:06:00.001+08:00

yeah!!my mummy's coming to singapore tonight!!haha it's just like her to call me last minute.haha so i just found out about it...oh yesterday(went to shit's club to study with her,xy and py) tt pei wen went to uk to finish her a-lvls...haha cuz she met this gal while clubbing and they decided to go together and so they packed their bags and left!all in one week!haha oh my..haha
oh well then i finally met P's skinny fren,carin(at least i think tt's how her name is spelled)haha.she really is skinny..haha skinnier than i am!(woohoo!:))haha then yesterday couldn't study at all la...haha cuz was talking and gossiping all the way...haha crapped a lot too...reminds me of me and munyin's crap energy reserve...haha
ahh i've been watching tv the whole night la!!haha and now me gonna watch shang hai noon!!hahaha tata;)

2004-10-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

okla i was a little bit angry just now...haha but still,she shouldn't have done tt...oh well back to greater news...JERRY IS OUT!!!woo hoo...haha finally...he is the biggest mistake i've ever seen on tv.i mean at least william hung became famous.his act,on the other hand,just falls flat.like this:"SPLAT!" haha...and at least this time,there is justice done..hmmm kiu said he from city harvest...so now we know where the support came from..haha
oh and winnie,winnie,wat a nice pair of shoes u have...haha tt's course we bought it for her b'dae present!!hehe me,shit and hui min went to vnc to get it for her..haha its the cheapest shop with the nicest shoes...haha oh well it's funny tt after we bought it for her,we were happy...haha this show tt shopping is therapeutic!haha
hmmm stayed in the comp lab today then realised tt open house started..haha so i stayed for a little while longer to check it out la.the school is so alive!haha after these past weeks,the sch is like so dead.gettting a little haunting.and the atmosphere was great!haha feel so much more energisesd after tt...mb tt's cuz all of us are like cooped up with just studying,eating,sleeping all day long.although izzat and aqil were rather poor thing la,cuz they had this game thingy going on but nobody participated.haha...they were giving out the sch blazer/jacket afterall.i mean it's not exactly appealing.haha
then i heard choir sing.they are so much better now!haha as compared to last time they could barely hold on on their own.of course i was talking abt the guys.there are only eight of them.haha at least i could hear them today and they sounded rather good...haha quality also not bad.
oh and if wee ling havn't tell you,mr tearle cheng wants to meet us outside the staffroom after the concert on monday to give us each our individual vcd from the trip!!!haha so happy...finally i get to see the product of it.haha
oh well so tt's all for now.
oh and i'm happy cuz kai shi asked mrs lau about NYU, and she said rather high chances of getting accepted!!yay!haha i just love the place!haha happy happy.